My elementary school was tiny, so while I was bullied there it wasn't too bad. Middle/JuniorHigh school was hell. I was jumped by multiple people regularly - most often on my way to shop class, that was on the edge of campus. I was a small kid, near blind so I wore thick glasses, avid reader, honors classes. In retrospect, if I had known how back then, I could've easily blended in and probably would've been ignored. No bones were broken, but I came home bruised and bloodied pretty often, including being stabbed a few times.
Which was a bigger problem. The bullying didn't end when I got home. My father was by far the biggest bully I dealt with back then. Got beat up at school? "Be a man, blah blah blah", then I'd get beat up at home too.
Towards the end of middle school, I snapped. The bookish idealistic kid was gutted, the core hidden away, and the rest stepped into the sociopathy spectrum. I started fighting back - I remember vividly a time in 8th grade when 3 guys tried to jump me, and I fought by tooth and nail. I slammed heads into pavement, bit & ripped with my teeth, swung a weighted backpack...anything. I broke my father's arm, and that started him shifting from physical abuse to verbal. Verbal I could take. Another phonebook thrown at my head...maybe not.
The lasting results are obvious. The moment I could, I cut my father out of my life. My family doesn't understand why - I maintain a relationship with my sister and mother, but only just enough to prove I have a family. I suffer from social anxiety that, on bad days, crosses into acute paranoia. My psychiatrist says I'm functional without medication. I remain distant to even my closest friends, though I got lucky and met a girl who understands I'm not capable of normal emotional bonds, and we're happily married.
As for being an adult now...there isn't a single one of those people that I would hesitate to kill given the opportunity now. The only reason my father still lives is I know I'd be a prime suspect in the investigation. When I got to high school, it all changed. I was essentially a new sociopath - I had very little emotion, and I'm smart enough that I learned quickly how to emulate others. I was popular, smart, charming. The high school I attended had very few people from my previous school, so I reinvented myself stylisticly. From then on, I had friends, some of whom I still keep in touch with. Eventually I let my guard down some - I don't think everyone is trying to kill me anymore.
no subject
Which was a bigger problem. The bullying didn't end when I got home. My father was by far the biggest bully I dealt with back then. Got beat up at school? "Be a man, blah blah blah", then I'd get beat up at home too.
Towards the end of middle school, I snapped. The bookish idealistic kid was gutted, the core hidden away, and the rest stepped into the sociopathy spectrum. I started fighting back - I remember vividly a time in 8th grade when 3 guys tried to jump me, and I fought by tooth and nail. I slammed heads into pavement, bit & ripped with my teeth, swung a weighted backpack...anything. I broke my father's arm, and that started him shifting from physical abuse to verbal. Verbal I could take. Another phonebook thrown at my head...maybe not.
The lasting results are obvious. The moment I could, I cut my father out of my life. My family doesn't understand why - I maintain a relationship with my sister and mother, but only just enough to prove I have a family. I suffer from social anxiety that, on bad days, crosses into acute paranoia. My psychiatrist says I'm functional without medication. I remain distant to even my closest friends, though I got lucky and met a girl who understands I'm not capable of normal emotional bonds, and we're happily married.
As for being an adult now...there isn't a single one of those people that I would hesitate to kill given the opportunity now. The only reason my father still lives is I know I'd be a prime suspect in the investigation. When I got to high school, it all changed. I was essentially a new sociopath - I had very little emotion, and I'm smart enough that I learned quickly how to emulate others. I was popular, smart, charming. The high school I attended had very few people from my previous school, so I reinvented myself stylisticly. From then on, I had friends, some of whom I still keep in touch with. Eventually I let my guard down some - I don't think everyone is trying to kill me anymore.