thistlechaser: (Book with cat: On stack)
I'm on a few authors' mailing lists, and one of them mentioned they wrote a book for this collection: Gypsies After Dark: A Collection of Brand New Urban Fantasy and Paranormal Romance Novels. 22 books. For how much? 99 cents. That's 22 books, not short stories or something. Novels. And from an actual publisher, too! I don't read urban fantasy, otherwise I would jump on that offer.

...ah drat. The other offer won't work. I have a $3.14 credit at Barnes & Noble and I can't even use it to buy pie. I won't be using it, but it seems to be bound to my account. If it was a code number or something, I'd pass it on to someone.

And, since I'm posting random stuff, I'm not even much of a Star Wars fan, and I love this picture. I figured bigger fans might enjoy it:

thistlechaser: (Book with cat: Litterbox)
Some publisher sent me a listing for a new book.

Just Pubbed! The Sugar Daddy Series Book One
My Sugar Daddy


Yes, they use "Pubbed". Ugh!

Struggling single mother Laura McGill figures she has nothing to lose and everything to gain when she impulsively signs up online to meet a sugar daddy. After losing her virginity to a two-timing married man, she's out to find security for herself and her infant son Max--and hopefully a man she can love.

An online sugar daddy site. The PERFECT place to find a father for your infant son!

Brothers Daniel and Grant Wilmot are handsome and rich-and seeking a Rubenesque beauty whose lush curves will cushion their hard loving. Leaders of a security team comprising former Special Forces operatives and a dating website that serves as a cover for their military activities, Daniel and Grant--and another brother, Roman--are smitten by Laura's generous proportions and sweet manner.

P-to the-A-to the-S-S!
thistlechaser: (tree)
Amazon and B&N both sent me emails today, telling me that I have a credit from some class action suit about ebooks. The B&N didn't list an amount, but Amazon's given me an almost $75 ($72.60) credit. WOOT! I don't expect B&N's to be much, as I only ever bought three or four ebooks from them, but I'm impressed at how much Amazon's is!

"Apple, Inc. (Apple) funded this credit to settle antitrust lawsuits brought by State Attorneys General and Class Plaintiffs about the price of electronic books (eBooks)."

In other news, I finished this season of Orange is the New Black. Generally I enjoyed it, though there were some very unrealistic and heavy-handed parts that made me frowny.

Related: I'm seriously considering canceling Netflix, as there's never usually much of anything I want to watch online there anymore. I thought I'd never survive without TV service, but the less I watch, the less I want to watch, I suppose. Sense8 is the only other original series from them I'd be interested in catching, and Orange is the New Black is over for another year.
thistlechaser: (Book with cat 1)
I usually don't do memes, but this one is about books, and I'm having a seriously hard time getting my brain back into work mode, so here goes!

Questions stolen from [livejournal.com profile] irreparable. 40 of them, but I'm only going to use the ones I like, because I'm totally a rebel that way.

1: Currently Reading

Space Station Rat by Michael J. Daley

2: Describe the last scene you read in as few words as possible. No character names or title.

A super-intelligent rat is trying to learn enough to survive on a space station.

4: Quick, you're in desperate need of a fake name. What character name do you think of first?

As Warchild is still eating my brain, Jos is the first name I thought of. I guess that's a good enough fake name, as it could pass for a real one, and for male or female.

6: Public library or personal library?

Technically personal. Nowadays, as I'm broke, all of the books I read "fell off the back of a truck" -- I download (pirate) them. Rarely I buy one from Amazon, when I love an author enough that I want to support them. One day I'll happily go back to buying more of them.

7: What is the most important part of a book, in your opinion?

The very beginning -- the first line, the first paragraph, maybe so much as the first page. Hook me from the start and you'll have my heart.

8: Why are you reading the book you're currently reading?

While I have another book containing a short story from the Warchild author, I felt the need to read something lighter. I tried a collection of short stories from someone else, but I'm not going to finish that book. A book about a rat on a space station seemed perfect for "lighter".

9: If you were to publish a book what (besides your real name) would you use for your author name?

Hmmm. I wouldn't use my real name for sure (I hate it). I don't like cute fake names either though... I'd probably come up with some general name, likely male. David [something that doesn't start with D]. I've loved the name David since I was a young kid.

10: Do you listen to music when you read?

Oh god no. Silence please. Even people talking (like in a waiting room) makes it hard for me to lose myself in a story.

11: What book fandom do you affiliate yourself with the most?

Hrm. None really... Now and then I read fanfic for the Avengers, so I suppose that, but sadly I'm really not active in fandoms anymore. [Edit: Oops! I missed the word 'book' in the question. If I had to pick a book fandom, Harry Potter, though I'm all but out of that fandom. Rarely I read fic based on it.]

12: Tell one book story or memory (what you were wearing when you were reading something, someone saw you cry in public, you threw a book across the room and broke a window, etc.)

I read the end of the Stephen King Dark Tower series at work, which was a big, big mistake. It was so good, I couldn't wait a whole day to finish it, but the series had such a sad ending. I had to read a line, stop and do work, then read another line to try to keep from sobbing at my desk. I should have just waited and read it that evening.

15: Post a shelfie.

I'd love to do this one! Sadly last night I packed a box of books up to donate, and I don't have even a whole shelf left of physical books I'm keeping. Imagine a picture of my Kindle here. :P

16: Rant about anything book related

Oh like I need an invitation to rant about this? Self-published books that are full of typos/spelling mistakes/sucking writing, etc. While there are a few good self-published authors out there (*waves to the ones on my friends list*), the vast, VAST majority of self-published books are complete and utter crap and not worth paying a cent for. (This is a big part of why I feel okay with pirating books. Sorry, real authors.)

17: What do you think about movie/tv adaptations?

I try to consider them a completely different thing than the book, though it's hard. I keep wanting to compare the Game of Thrones TV series and books, for example.

20: A character you like but you really, really shouldn't.

While I can't think of a specific example, I often like the characters we're not supposed to -- the bad guys are often more interesting to me, and minor characters often snag my attention hard.

21: Do you loan your books?

As I deal only in ebooks, yes. When someone mentions looking for a book, if I have or can find a copy, I'll email it off to them.

Back when I was a teenager, I loaned a beloved series out to someone, and never got it back*. That soured me on loaning physical books. (*Though I believe it was fully my fault. I had lent it to a volunteer at a con, then stopped volunteering at the con myself. The person likely had no way to get it back to me, though I was too young to realize that at the time.)

23: Did your family or friends influence you to read when you were younger?

No. I was, by far, the biggest reader in my family -- no one really read other than me. I had very few, if any, friends when I was a kid, and I don't think any of them read. Basically I just had my nose in a book all the time.

24: First book(s) you remember being obsessed with

[livejournal.com profile] rathacat's Ratha and Thistle-Chaser series. I saw it first on one of those CBS Storybreak Specials on a Saturday morning, then hunted far and wide (or as much as a pre-Internet kid who couldn't drive could hunt) to find the book it was based on.

I've used Thistle-Chaser as my online name for decades.

25: A book that you think about and you cringe because of how terrible it was

Just one? Really? The Taken by the Swarm - Seduced by WEREBEES one was awful, but so bad that it was amusing.

Zoo (The Enclosure Chronicles) was the first really, really bad self-published book that I had read, so it stuck with me.

26: Do you read from recommendations or whatever book catches your eye?

Both. My tastes are kind of picky, so lots of times a recommendation doesn't really fit for me, but sometimes they do.

27: How/where do you purchase your books?

When I purchase, Amazon. I'd like to link to the download site I use, it's outstanding (hundreds if new ebooks available every week), but I can't recall the name of it, so I can't find it in Google... I have it bookmarked at home. Leave a comment if you want it, and I'll link you later.

28: An ending you wish you could change

Warchild's. I'm not a shipper, but as the kids say nowadays, I need that pairing like burning. *pushes the two main characters together* Now kiss!

31: Do you day dream about your favorite books? If so, share one fantasy you have about them.

I'd be surprised if people who enjoy reading don't daydream about the stories...

One thing I like to do is to pretend the character is in my world and seeing all this for the first time. Like driving Alya from Clan of the Cave Bear around in my car.

32: OTP or NoTP?

Usually no OTPs, though rarely there's an exception. I'm not big on romance in my books.

33: Cute and fluffy or dramatic and deadly?

Darker is generally better for me. Not horror, not gore, but dark and sad and emotional and heavy.

34: Scariest book you ever read

Hm. Though I do read Stephen King, I don't really like horror/scary books. His 'The Long Walk' scared me on a 'what humans are capable of' level. I'm sure I read some books that scared me as a kid, but I don't recall any now...

35: What do you think of Ebooks

This one is pretty much answered by now. :P Because of the font size options, they mean I can read a lot more than I'd otherwise be able to. Also, I LOVE being able to carry my entire library around effortlessly. I believe I have 100+ books in my To Read pile, and I can take them all with me wherever I go with no additional weight.

36: Unpopular opinions

I wish there were some kind of control on self-published books. I can't say "I wish self-publishing didn't exist" because there are a few good books/authors out there, but the vast majority of self-published stuff is crap.

If Amazon could do more about the paid/fake reviews, that would help a little. Also, I wish people would be more honest in their reviews -- touching on the bad is just as important as mentioning the good parts.

37: A book you are scared is not going to be all you hoped it would be

Warboy (Warchild book #4). I'm expecting so much from it, I'm worried it just won't be able to meet my expectations.

38: What qualities do you find annoying in a character?

Perfection. Give me flaws. Lots of flaws! It makes characters more realistic and gives them a chance for growth.

40: Has there ever been a book you wish you could un-read?

Lots and lots of them, so I could reread them again for the first time.
thistlechaser: (Book with cat: Scared)
Pounded by President Bigfoot



I don't even know the best/worst parts of this. The summary? The reviews? The 'about the author'? "Chuck found himself fascinated by all things sensual, leading to his creation of the "tingler", a story so blissfully erotic that it cannot be experienced without eliciting a sharp tingle down the spine."

I know it would be so horribly bad, but I'll never forget the "Taken by Swarm - Seduced by WEREBEES" book that was so bad it was funny as hell. Part one of WEREBEES review, part two of WEREBEES review.
thistlechaser: (Book with cat: On stack)
I look though lots and lots of books when searching for ones to read. When I find something odd, cool, wacky, or WTFish, I usually just frown or chuckle at it, then move on. However, after posting about that women who credited her dark side as a co-author, I thought now and then it might be amusing to post a collection of odd things I find while looking for new books to read.

Things that will keep me from reading your book: Having your cat edit it. "Edited by the outspoken and fearless Timothy the Talking Cat..."

Things that will tempt me to read your book: A nice cover. (Though I passed on this one anyway. Summary was generic dreck, and it's from Smashwords.)



But not so much odd covers. Linked for size and NSFW? And this one: Linked for size, utter WTF-ness, and total NSFW.

It's nice when a summary shows a complete lack of professionalism, making it easy for me to pass up on a book:

Set in a distant land, a boy grows into a man as he learns about the gifts of his ancestral blood from a mysterious mentor. And then, on one fateful day, he learns that some knowledge comes with a price.
* Attention: this is not a story about werewolves/lycans/whatever you want to call them *


(Out of curiosity about what kind of story it was then, I googled it. It doesn't seem to even have an Amazon page at all, just Smashwords. Also, no ready answer, and I don't care enough to put more time into searching.)

Summary #2:

Meet Mark . . . a man who has everything, a life that is perfect and a woman who honors his every desire. And if he has it all, why do the visions . . . the uncertainty . . . the demons . . . invade his mind and chase him into what could be his own personal hell?

. . . the ellipses . . .

Added bonus, the title/author of Summary #2 is: T.H.E.i. by T. Duncan Butler.

And then there are books that I just know will be bad, but I cannot resist them:

Pet Noir by Pati Nagle
Overview: Can a lowly gumpaw hope for love with a girl who rides in a jewel-encrusted carrier?

Feline investigator Leon, with opposable thumbs and the ability to talk, is possibly the most dangerous cat in the galaxy. Indentured to the Security department of Gamma Station until the cost of his creation is paid off, Leon alternates between harassing his human partner/roommate Devin and fighting sleazoid criminals, yet still finds time to flirt with the lovely Leila, an exotic Burmese who lives in the swankiest level of the station. Will he win her heart, and more important will he win his freedom?


Bad photoshop? Image choice? All-around bad cover design:

(Took me forever to make out that she must be riding, wearing white pants.)

Sometimes a book seems to come together. Attention-grabbing title "The Girl With Glass Feet", interesting cover:

When that happens, I hit up Amazon to check reviews and such. Unfortunately this one didn't have very good ones, so I'm skipping it. Still, kudos for the title and cover!

Another interesting title, though the book wasn't for me: A Fierce and Subtle Poison

I had really bad luck with my book hunt today. I looked at more than 1,700 titles and authors, clicking links to read summaries and look at cover when the title/author caught my attention, more than three hours combing through them, and only came up with a total of three new books to read. One will likely be bad (the Pet Noir one), one sounds interesting but comes from Smashwords (Shadows of a Superhero so it will likely be bad, and one I have hopes for (The Gaslight Dogs). Usually after this much time I have 12-20 new ones to read.
thistlechaser: (tree)
As a follow-up to my post asking for experiences with buying contacts online: Turns out it was moot. The brand I use (Acuvue) has its price set by the manufacturer, so anyone, online or off, has to sell it for the same price. On one hand, that makes it easier for me -- no need to figure out doing it online and getting it covered by my insurance afterwards. But on the other... isn't there some kind of rule about price fixing like that? There should be...

Unrelated to prices, I think this is going to be the last time I visit that office. They always keep me waiting a long time (today it was 45 minutes sitting alone in the room waiting for the doctor! No one even checked on me once), they never apologize for the wait. Rude.

Tomorrow my vacation starts. Time off work, mother coming to visit. (Hear that, burglars? I can post about it in advance because I'm not leaving home -- in fact, there will be an extra person here, so even worse time to try!) I need to find more very cheap (or better: free) entertaining things we can do.

I finished two more books in the Remnants series, but I decided I'm just going to wait until the end of the series to post about them, otherwise I'll just keep saying the same thing: Story semi-interesting, writing/editing godawful, books way too short. I was thinking, maybe K. A. Applegate brought a ghost writer in on this series, too. That might explain why the editor seemed to die at a certain point in the series -- the couple of early books were well-written and edited, but these later ones are just plain awful.
thistlechaser: (Book with cat: Litterbox)
I was offered a book for review, so I read the blurb. At first I thought it was just full of bad writing:

Four teenagers are on the verge of exploding. The anxieties they face at every turn have nearly pushed them to the point of surrender: senseless high-stakes testing, the lingering damage of past trauma, the buried grief and guilt of tragic loss. They are desperate to cope, but no one is listening.

So they will lie. They will split in two. They will turn inside out. They will even build an invisible helicopter to fly themselves far away...but nothing releases the pressure. Because, as they discover, the only way to truly escape their world is to fly right into it.


I wasn't interested in reading it, but the blurb made me frown enough that I wanted to find out more -- was it self-published? I was betting yes.

Turned out I was wrong. Not only was I wrong, the blurb is actually correct: A character does in fact turn inside out ("Another [character] has turned herself into a walking digestive tract."). "One character is building a helicopter that happens to be invisible."

I'm still not interested in reading the book, but at least I'm less frowny over it now.

--

In non-book news, my brain has come up with a new form of stress dream: Moving. Night after night, sometimes multiple times in a night, I go through the experience of having to pack up my whole apartment and move. There's always a twist, like last night, thinking I was all done packing, I threw out my extra boxes, then discovered a whole closet that I hadn't packed up.

I'm not even thinking about moving, so it's odd that my brain has fixated on that.
thistlechaser: (Book with cat 3)
My once-a-month offering of books to review from a publisher (see end of post) seems to have upped to twice-a-month. Once more, none of the books they offered were ones I wanted to read, but some had some mighty amusing covers, plus there was the usual collection of free-on-Amazon offerings.

Checked Out By Sharon St. George, made me stare at the cover, but the blurb is even more amusing.



Rodeo cowboy Cody O’Brien sneaks away from Timbergate Medical Center the night before his testicle surgery and is found dead in his horse trailer. Aimee’s colleague and friend, Cleo Cominoli, suspects the woman urologist scheduled to do Cody’s surgery is somehow mixed up in his death. Cleo’s fiancé is scheduled for prostate surgery by the same woman, and she pleads with Aimee to help her investigate before her intended becomes another victim.

Cover #2 is more than a little NWS, so I'll stick it behind a cut.
NWS artwork )
While the title, Giving It Raw, may sound like porn, supposedly it's not. With that cover though...

The free ebooks are apparently sometimes not available for free outside of the US, so heads up on that.

If Only to Love You -- Romance
Blue Moon (The Blue Crystal Trilogy (Book One) 1) -- Supernatural horror
Tapas, Carrot Cake and a Corpse (A Charlotte Denver Cozy Mystery Book 1) -- Mystery
THE SECRET HOUR (Killing Time Book 1) -- Paranormal romance
A Lady of Esteem (Hawthorne House): A Novella -- Romance
Finding Love Again (A Clean Country Romance) -- Romance

---

After reading the awful reviews on those free items, and noticing that more than half are self-published, I had to wonder: Why would a publisher be sending me links to free books not published by them? So I did some googling. Turns out these monthly/bi-monthly emails come from some kind of service, not a publisher: They charge authors $25 to be listed in these emails.

I considered taking this and my other 'free books' posts down, because do I really want to help some service advertise? But... I guess free books are free books. Does it matter if an author paid $25 to get a link to his books into my/your hands so long as we get it for free? (Not a rhetorical question!) I think it doesn't matter, so I'm going to post this.

You know, I would think Amazon would offer a service like this: A list of ebooks it currently has available to download for free.

Edit: Well here we go. Top 100 free books. Not a list of all the free ones, but it's a start.
thistlechaser: (Book with cat: On stack)
A publisher sent me an email offering a bunch of books to review, and while none of them were to my taste this month, the bottom had a list of books currently free on Amazon. (Free "today", but I assume this is more than a 24 hour thing.)

Mortis -- some kind of zombie book.
MURDER in WONDERLAND (Allie Griffin Mysteries Book 1) -- Mystery, I assume.
Whatever You Cherish -- Mystery
Secret Blend (Bourbon Springs Book 1) -- Romance
The Farmer Takes a Wife: Las Morenas, #0.5 (Las Morenas Series) -- Romance
Sergeant at Arms (Winged Beasts Book 0) -- Romance? Fantasy?

The only one on the list that I'm considering is the last one, since I suspect it'll be amusingly bad.
thistlechaser: (MY BONE!)
I don't know if I'm actually losing my hearing or not, but I seem to miss-hear certain words and my brain fills them in for me. I guess most of the time I don't notice, but sometimes my brain makes odd choices. This morning I was listening to news on the radio. There was a story headline:

Lion kills 30 inmates in prison.

WTF? How did a lion get into a prison? The newscaster kept talking about how many people died and then I realized: She must have said riot kills 30 in prison, not lion.

I kind of like my version of the story better.

In unrelated news, if you own a Kindle, you can get one free book per month (pick one of four offered). Sadly most months there's not one that interests me enough to even click to get it free, and this month was no exception. However, this one tempted me. I LOVE the cover and title:



Unfortunately it's about a murderer who terrorizes a town. Not my cup of tea at all.
thistlechaser: (Book with cat: On stack)
One of the publishers I review for added a new feature to their emails: A listing of their books free on Amazon.

Everyone likes free books, right? So I figured I'd list them here as well.

Virtually Eliminated (The Ethan Hamilton Cyberthrillers Book 1)
American Epidemic: Origins- An Ebola Prepper Survival Tale
Before The Killing Starts (Dixie Killer Blues Book 1)
A Mouthful of Murder: A Frosted Love Cozy Mystery Book 4 (Frosted Love Mysteries)
Born of Water: Elemental Magic & Epic Fantasy Adventure (The Rise of the Fifth Order Book 1)
Love In Paris

None of those books are to my taste (though I suspect the "Ebola prepper" one might be amusingly bad), but maybe someone else will spot something they'd like.

Books

Feb. 26th, 2015 09:45 am
thistlechaser: (Book with cat: On stack)
I own very, very few physical books anymore. Three shelves total. One shelf is a pile of hardcover/art-type books, one is for paperbacks I loved too much to ever get rid of (and not available in ebook format), and one shelf is of books I bought before owning my Kindle and haven't read yet but figured I might one day if my Kindle dies and I have to wait for a replacement.

Yet again I'm having sleep issues, so last night I put off going to bed and trying to sleep by standing at the book case and looking over the titles. I spotted what had been my favorite book ever, The Weigher*, and took it to the computer to see if maybe there was an ebook version around. Sadly no.

So, I could read the physical one, right? I enjoy my ereader so much more, but for a reread of a book I loved, I could make an exception just once?

So I tried it. Oh my god, the type was so tiny! I could barely focus on the page! (And it was just normal book font, not especially tiny font used in big books.) What a sad discovery, I couldn't even get through a page before my eyes were hurting and watering.

I can read on the Kindle just fine, so I don't think it's a matter of needing reading glasses... Maybe if I stick with it I could just get used to it again? Though I guess I've been reading on ereaders for five years now, so I guess that's a lot of time for my eyes to go downhill.

* That cover image is AWFUL and not at all representative of the book. It was a book about intelligent cats. They could stand on their hind legs for short times, but were basically four-legged creatures, not werewolf-looking things!

Edit: And you know what's strange? Neither authors are around online. No facebook pages, personal sites, nothing. I wonder what happened to them? Did they die? Do they still write? The last thing I can find that Eric Vinicoff wrote was published in 1992, and I can't find anything published later than 1984 for Marcia Martin. I wonder what they do now? It's so odd when Google doesn't have an answer for something. Everything Martin wrote was co-authored with Vinicoff. I wonder if they were a couple? I wish I knew!
thistlechaser: (Dinosaur: green derp)
1) Can I tell you how excited I am about the new Jurassic Park movie? It's been years since I last stepped foot in a movie theater, but I might have to go back for this. It's going to be such a hard challenge though, if I do. Popcorn is my #1 favorite food in the world, but it's also a food I can never eat again. I can resist it in day-to-day situations, but going to a popcorn-scented movie theater? Don't know if I can... but still, Jurassic Park movies MUST be seen on the big screen. :/

Anyway, they hired on a new star, and made a promo for the park featuring his character:



2) This song came up in RP today, and I died when I googled and found it was a real song. ("Real" song? A song that was sung by a character in a TV show.) NWS lyrics.
NWS video behind cut! )

3) This tree is quite amazing! Linked for size. It's like some kind of modern artwork thing. I see a dancer with more trees growing out of her.

4) #3 lead me to the most amusing discovery. I visit reddit a lot (a social/information/interesting links kind of place). Different groups or subjects have subreddits. Apparently 'tree' is slang for pot, so the /trees subreddit is actually about smoking pot. Since that was taken, someone made /r/marijuanaenthusiasts for people who like trees! Ha!

5) Seraphina (by Rachel Hartman) is the BEST BOOK EVER. I have about 8% left to go, then can review it. And I'm SO HAPPY SO SO HAPPY I was offered the next book for review! I have it waiting for me right now! It's not for sale yet, which usually doesn't matter to me, but this time it works out so eeee! It's put out by a major publishing house (Random), so hopefully this will get me lots of good offers in the future.

6) I had previously accepted a different book for review, and usually read them in the order accepted, but I'm making an exception in this case. I suspect this other one (Chaos Station by Kelly Jensen and Jenn Burke) is actually Captain America fanfic with the serial numbers filed off. (It's about a "retired, broken super soldier" and his lover (officer in the military) who everyone had thought was dead...). I accepted it for review more to see if it was fanfic-ish than anything else, so Shadow Scale (Seraphina #2) comes first.
thistlechaser: (Book with cat: hugging book)
Yesterday was two months since my surgery, so I guess it's time for an official update.

Weight lost since surgery: 40 pounds
Weight lost since highest pre-surgery: 63 pounds

More important than those numbers, my mood is much, much better. (Unsurprisingly, as soon as I started losing weight again, I stopped being depressed.) I've (sort of) dealt with hunger issue by drinking nonstop water. We're supposed to get 64 ounces a day, but I just keep on going. It's good for you and it helps with the hunger.

I had a funny experience last week: I still wear a watch, and it's a kind where the band doesn't stretch. I couldn't for the life of me figure out how the band had stretched when it's impossible that the material could have. It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize my wrist must have gotten thinner...

I stopped counting calories, both because it was diving me crazy and making me miserable (focusing on all the things I can't have). So long as I keep losing weight, I'll keep ignoring them.

Your tastes change after surgery, and sadly almost nothing tastes good to me anymore. The one exception is apples. I would marry an apple if I could. They're crunchy and sweet and I wish I could eat them all day. Sadly I'm only supposed to have a tablespoon of non-protein food per meal, which isn't a lot of apple at all. I've been cheating an awful lot and eating more apple than I should. Sometimes I have a whole apple in a day! (Isn't that funny? "Cheating" by eating an apple?)

---

Two more wacky books/covers, though they have no theme. Much WTFness, but no theme.

Goat Suckin: Hotter Than it Sounds )
thistlechaser: (Dinosaur: green derp)
Turns out that bad books are good business. What else would explain how many wacky series are out there? Not even just wacky books, whole series!

Today's series is "A ___ forced me gay!", by Hunter Fox. A selection of titles from this series:
Forced Gay by Aliens
Tentacles Made Me Gay
Forced Gay by the School Mascot
Yetti Forced Me Gay
Sphinx Turned Me Gay
Turned Gay by an Orc
T-Rex Forced Me Gay
Brachiosaurus Made Me Gay
Cyclops Forced Me Gay
Sea Monsters Made Me Gay
Legendary Beasts Made Me Gay
RoboHound Forced Me Gay
Turned Gay by a Spinosaurus

My favorite is: Alien Hound Forced Me Gay (Is he... I... um...)


He also wrote a series of "Forced by..." books (T-Rex Forced Me, ) and other random titles (Big Foot's Side Piece, Gay Cyclops GangBang, Ravaged By The Saber Tooth Tiger).

I put some of the best/worst covers behind the cut.

NWS images )

The A Billionaire Dinosaur Forced Me Gay Amazon page has some darned funny reviews.

While I just cannot pay $3 for ~15 pages of "story" (which gets down to ten or less when you take into account preface pages, advertisements at the end for other books in the series, etc), I'm really, really curious about how bad these are. They sound so amusingly bad!

Previous wacky books series:
Supernatural
Dinosaurs
Were-animals
Kaiju
Santa Claus Conquers the Homophobes

Credit for this find goes to [livejournal.com profile] socksofjello!
thistlechaser: (Book with cat: Scared)
Unlike the previous installments, this episode of Wide World of Wacky Books has only one book cover. It's very, very special though.

Santa Claus Conquers the Homophobes is a real book! Click the cut text to see the cover.

Special and NWS... )

Previous wacky books:
Supernatural
Dinosaurs
Were-animals
Kaiju
thistlechaser: (Book with cat: rainbow)
A kaiju is a Japanese monster. One was in Godzilla, they were the bad guys in Pacific Rim, etc.

Who knew they'd be the stars of erotic books, too? Welcome to #4 in a series of wacky erotic books: Japanese monsters.

Supernatural
Dinosaurs
Were-animals



Four more of them behind the cut. Mildly NWS (they're covers of books on Amazon, so can't be that bad NWS).

Click away! )

From Kaiju Seduction, which is the first of a multibook series:

Ro Talon is a Kaiju pilot. Along with her 250 foot tall kaiju, Zulla, they must work together to bring down rogue kaiju. Their abilities go beyond normal combat for they are trained to fight with a different set of weapons. They fight with the skills of seduction for no kaiju can resist their temptation.

That author also wrote a book titled Moo Girls, in which a girl named Mu loves a cow and wants to become one.

Man, what a dark path these books are. There's a whole woman-cow thing on Amazon. His Human Cow: A Human Dairy Cow Story, for example. You can pay $3 on Amazon or download countless stories for free in various places online.

I don't know whether to hate these "authors" for selling short, horribly written stories for $3 when you can find plenty online for free, or admire them for making money off stupid people.
thistlechaser: (Moon)
Following the "three things make a post" rule:

- I slept five hours last night. While that's just a drop in the bucket after not sleeping the previous two nights, at least I'm only tired today and not 'oh my god, kill me now' level exhausted. I still hate the machine, it makes me feel like I'm being smothered. Nothing like the feeling of being smothered to help you fall asleep, huh?

It's way too early to know if this is just chance or if it's a Thing, but usually I remember at least one dream a night, and I haven't the past three nights. The first two can be explained by the lack of sleep, but I wonder about last night. To remember a dream, you need to wake up within (some number of minutes, I forget how many) of having it. If the machine makes me sleep sounder/wake up less, I guess I'll stop remembering them. That would be a really big negative side effect; I love remembering my dreams, I often spend much time the next day thinking about them. I guess we'll see.

- Still loving FFXIV. A side effect of that is how much schadenfreude I get from reading WoW news. I had been unhappy there for so long, and I wasn't looking forward to anything about the coming expansion, and I hated the graphics and so much else about the game, now I can sit here and read the news and snicker to myself that I don't have to put up with it anymore. I sure do wish I had quit sooner!

I'm so happy to be getting so much RP on FFXIV. I'm still getting it almost daily (the days I don't RP it's by my choice, not for lack of options). A new fellow just joined our FC ("guild"), and he writes long posts, like me. It's so nice to be able to flex my writing muscles and not feel like I'm making people wait for me.

- It's such a wonderful thing to read a book by a great writer after such a string of bad books. I just started reading BZRK, by Michael Grant (the same fellow who wrote the Gone series that I loved, and wrote all the Animorph books with his wife, along with tons of other YA books from that time). It's not just that his stories are great (they are), or his characters are realistic (so realistic), or he has a GRRMesque willingness to kill off his characters (*cackle*), but his skills at crafting a sentence and describing the world just blow me out of the water. I had to go back and reread this section a number of times (then continued reading the book only to keep flipping back to it).

Even though he was just seventeen, he wasn't really for girls. He was for women.

Women would look at him and let their eyes slide over his face and those shoulders, because you know, women don't stare the way men do. They just need a glance. And then, having memorized him with a glance, they would...


It wasn't until I read that that I remembered there have been studies that confirm just that -- women decide in something like two? three? seconds if they're attracted to another person, much faster than men do. Something about their general body shape (silhouette), the width of their shoulders, that sort of thing.

Unfortunately I accepted a book for review (Salvation, by James Wymore) from a publisher. Bad timing, I'm going to have to read it next instead of continuing on with the BZRK series. Oh well, hopefully Salvation will be good. It has good reviews on Amazon, for what that's worth...

Wow, this turned out to be an actual post! I worried it wouldn't be more than three sentences long. Heh.
thistlechaser: (Book with cat: Scared)
Oh you wacky authors. First we had WEREBEE and other were-animal erotic novels, then we had the dinosaur/human woman sex stories, now we get... drum roll ... the "Banged by Famous Monsters" series! Allow me to introduce:

My Lactation Consultant is a Lesbian Werewolf


Four more back here. )

I like how the author, "Bytch Williams", is supposedly "acclaimed".

The one tiny positive thing about these "books" (20-30 page stories) is that at least most of them cost 99 cents. How much it pisses me off when stories this short are $3. Not that anyone should buy these...

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