thistlechaser (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
thistlechaser) wrote2020-05-12 04:37 pm
thistlechaser) wrote2020-05-12 04:37 pm
Entry tags:
I wasn't going to post about this, but I'll just put it under a cut instead
Probably medical TMI. Click or skip, up to you.
Spoiler: Not actually fun.
I turned 50 in December, which means it's time for a colonoscopy. My doctor let me do the 'at home' version first. Which also was no fun.
The home kit involved a sheet of paper (the exact same paper used as toilet seat covers). You spread it just under the seat of the toilet (not touching the water). Go, which makes the paper drop down to the water. Then you have to stand up before the water can soak through, and you use a plastic thing to get out a sample.
Gross. Not fun. But still better than the alternative.
My results came back with blood in it, which meant I needed to get the real version of the test. (I still don't know what blood means, I probably should look into that.)
All this virus stuff happened, so I thought it would be canceled, but the state just started doing non-emergency procedures, so mine was still on. (This is why I had to go get the virus test on Friday last week.)
Prep for the real thing was the worst. 48 hours of no eating. (Most doctors seem to do 24.) Then you have to take industrial strength laxatives.
I saw an online post comparing the prep to food poisoning or a stomach virus. I've had both of those, but they were NOTHING compared to the result of those laxatives. It was like a fire hose out of my butt. No exaggeration. Water (and stuff) bursts out violently, nonstop. It was crazy, like nothing I've experienced before.
And then, 12 hours later, you need to take the laxatives a second time.
Thankfully, since I'm working from home now, I didn't need to take time off for this.
So, my appointment was at 3:30 on Monday (yesterday), but they wanted me there at 2:30. At 1:06 (that exact time is important) they called me to see if I could come in at 1:30 instead... Wanting this to be over as soon as I could, I said yes. (Also, an earlier time meant an hour less time to dither around being nervous.) The place was about 10 minutes away, and I had checked earlier and saw that it would take about 10 minutes for an Uber to get to my house, so I could do it. I had intended to take a shower first, but I had to skip that.
I got there just a moment before 1:30. Lots of stations before I could go inside (they made me sanitize my hands, gave me a new mask, asked me a bunch of questions, and took my temperature twice).
Once I finally made it to the right office, usual paperwork, lots of questions, medical history stuff.
The first thing the anesthesiologist did was complain about Trump, which made me like him. We both bitched about the White House for a while. Oddly he asked me the same questions THREE times. Not on purpose, but like all his patients had run together and he forgot he asked me already.
So, because of the virus stuff, they didn't want to use general anesthesia on me (because that requires a breathing tube, and right now those are doom). So he was going to give me a "twilight cocktail".
Strange, this was less than 24 hours ago, but I can't for the life of me remembering him giving it to me. I had an IV line in me, they wheeled me into the room it was done (the room was SO SCARY, full of so many odd medical machines. I've seen a surgery room before, but this had more machines), but I guess he put the drugs into my IV without saying that he was starting...
Anyway, I was "awake" for the whole thing. Very unfortunately, there was a screen with the camera's feed right in front of me (I would have rather not seen it). I sort of drifted in and out, but I remember the medical staff talking. A woman (nurse, intern?) asked "Is that one?" and the doctor replied "Yep". Exchanges like that.
Most unfortunately, I felt the camera going in, but worse was coming out. It wasn't pain, but it did feel like something big being pulled out. Unpleasant.
They found six polyps (clumps of cells that shouldn't be there). The doctor (nurse? someone) said that they looked fine, but they always biopsy them. I should hear the results in 7-10 days, and after that I'll know when my next colonoscopy will be. Best case is 10 years from now, worst is 1 year.
You can't take an Uber/taxi/bus when you leave, so I had to pay for a non-emergency medical transport (about $80 for a 10 minute ride). I had arranged a friend from my former job to give me a lift, but you can't exactly ask a non-family member to go into a medical center for you nowadays.
When I got home, I ordered Chinese food. That was a mistake, as it was 5 PM. Took more than an hour to get here (and I didn't want to eat a snack and ruin my dinner). I ate a few bites, fell asleep at my desk, and crawled into bed about 7:30. (I never ever ever nap, sleep at my desk, or anything like that, so I suspect it was the anesthesia or stress or something.)
The next day (today) I feel completely fine. Though I remembered the whole experience while it was happening, today the memories feel more like a dream. (The anesthesia again, I bet. Twilight cocktail is supposed to mess with your memories.) My stomach is gurgling a lot, but I have no trouble holding down (or in, as the case may be...) food or anything like that.
I'm really hoping that it will be a long time before my next one. The extensive prep required really is a big impact, especially if you have a job. Plus it's really, really not fun at all.
Spoiler: Not actually fun.
I turned 50 in December, which means it's time for a colonoscopy. My doctor let me do the 'at home' version first. Which also was no fun.
The home kit involved a sheet of paper (the exact same paper used as toilet seat covers). You spread it just under the seat of the toilet (not touching the water). Go, which makes the paper drop down to the water. Then you have to stand up before the water can soak through, and you use a plastic thing to get out a sample.
Gross. Not fun. But still better than the alternative.
My results came back with blood in it, which meant I needed to get the real version of the test. (I still don't know what blood means, I probably should look into that.)
All this virus stuff happened, so I thought it would be canceled, but the state just started doing non-emergency procedures, so mine was still on. (This is why I had to go get the virus test on Friday last week.)
Prep for the real thing was the worst. 48 hours of no eating. (Most doctors seem to do 24.) Then you have to take industrial strength laxatives.
I saw an online post comparing the prep to food poisoning or a stomach virus. I've had both of those, but they were NOTHING compared to the result of those laxatives. It was like a fire hose out of my butt. No exaggeration. Water (and stuff) bursts out violently, nonstop. It was crazy, like nothing I've experienced before.
And then, 12 hours later, you need to take the laxatives a second time.
Thankfully, since I'm working from home now, I didn't need to take time off for this.
So, my appointment was at 3:30 on Monday (yesterday), but they wanted me there at 2:30. At 1:06 (that exact time is important) they called me to see if I could come in at 1:30 instead... Wanting this to be over as soon as I could, I said yes. (Also, an earlier time meant an hour less time to dither around being nervous.) The place was about 10 minutes away, and I had checked earlier and saw that it would take about 10 minutes for an Uber to get to my house, so I could do it. I had intended to take a shower first, but I had to skip that.
I got there just a moment before 1:30. Lots of stations before I could go inside (they made me sanitize my hands, gave me a new mask, asked me a bunch of questions, and took my temperature twice).
Once I finally made it to the right office, usual paperwork, lots of questions, medical history stuff.
The first thing the anesthesiologist did was complain about Trump, which made me like him. We both bitched about the White House for a while. Oddly he asked me the same questions THREE times. Not on purpose, but like all his patients had run together and he forgot he asked me already.
So, because of the virus stuff, they didn't want to use general anesthesia on me (because that requires a breathing tube, and right now those are doom). So he was going to give me a "twilight cocktail".
Strange, this was less than 24 hours ago, but I can't for the life of me remembering him giving it to me. I had an IV line in me, they wheeled me into the room it was done (the room was SO SCARY, full of so many odd medical machines. I've seen a surgery room before, but this had more machines), but I guess he put the drugs into my IV without saying that he was starting...
Anyway, I was "awake" for the whole thing. Very unfortunately, there was a screen with the camera's feed right in front of me (I would have rather not seen it). I sort of drifted in and out, but I remember the medical staff talking. A woman (nurse, intern?) asked "Is that one?" and the doctor replied "Yep". Exchanges like that.
Most unfortunately, I felt the camera going in, but worse was coming out. It wasn't pain, but it did feel like something big being pulled out. Unpleasant.
They found six polyps (clumps of cells that shouldn't be there). The doctor (nurse? someone) said that they looked fine, but they always biopsy them. I should hear the results in 7-10 days, and after that I'll know when my next colonoscopy will be. Best case is 10 years from now, worst is 1 year.
You can't take an Uber/taxi/bus when you leave, so I had to pay for a non-emergency medical transport (about $80 for a 10 minute ride). I had arranged a friend from my former job to give me a lift, but you can't exactly ask a non-family member to go into a medical center for you nowadays.
When I got home, I ordered Chinese food. That was a mistake, as it was 5 PM. Took more than an hour to get here (and I didn't want to eat a snack and ruin my dinner). I ate a few bites, fell asleep at my desk, and crawled into bed about 7:30. (I never ever ever nap, sleep at my desk, or anything like that, so I suspect it was the anesthesia or stress or something.)
The next day (today) I feel completely fine. Though I remembered the whole experience while it was happening, today the memories feel more like a dream. (The anesthesia again, I bet. Twilight cocktail is supposed to mess with your memories.) My stomach is gurgling a lot, but I have no trouble holding down (or in, as the case may be...) food or anything like that.
I'm really hoping that it will be a long time before my next one. The extensive prep required really is a big impact, especially if you have a job. Plus it's really, really not fun at all.
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Sorry it was so bad for you.
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Nothing superbad yet, but enough to make me not question the frequency...
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Did they give you any reason why they wouldn't let you take an uber home?
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Because of the anesthesia, you're legally impaired for 24 hours. So they need a "responsible adult" (or someone hired, I guess) to get you home.
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They said 7-10 days, so hopefully by Monday. I figure the longer it takes, the better. If it was bad news, they'd handle it faster probably.
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A friend of mine had a colonoscopy with the 'twilight cocktail.' Besides wanting to watch, she proceeded to serenade the medical team for the duration of the procedure, mostly with bawdy irish drinking songs and dirty limericks. She, too, has notes in her file to always be given a general, otherwise she embarrasses the nurses.
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