thistlechaser | I always know when it's 3:30 AM...

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I always know when it's 3:30 AM...

So tired. On the best of work nights, I get five hours of sleep. It's rarely a "best of" night. Three to four hours is closer to the norm. Last night I got all of one hour of sleep.

So. Tired.

Ellie New Cat is so full of energy. Every morning from 3:30 to 4:30 AM she races around from room to room (how a galloping cat can be so loud!). Unfortunately this includes my bedroom. And my bed.

LEAP ONTO THE BED! LEAP ONTO PERSON! KILL THAT FOOT! EAT THAT BLANKET! RUN RUN RUN OFF!

I try to wear her out during the day, but it doesn't seem to help at all. I'm considering getting a second cat to keep her entertained and help her burn off energy, but then I might end up with two cats who keep me up at night... (And I'm not sure getting a second cat would be right for her.)

And on a more serious note, I've been thinking about this for a while. I wonder how long it takes for love to happen. More important: Does it always happen? I couldn't have loved my previous cat more. If she had been human and a spouse or child of mine, I couldn't have loved her more. It's impossible for a human heart to feel more love than I felt for her. Ellie New Cat? She's a nice enough cat, but I feel nothing for her. That both makes me sad and makes me feel like I'm cheating her somehow.

I think part of the issue is she's still somewhat scared of me. It's been a whole month now and if I get too close to her, she'll sometimes run off. If I reach for her with two hands, she'll sometimes run off. If I look at her wrong or the moon is waxing or who knows what, she might go running off. She is getting better, every day it seems like she's making an improvement, but it's still so... depressing. I've been nothing but kind to her, I don't even have to lift my voice to correct her (she's so sensitive), I feed her and play with her and give her treats, and yet at times she still treats me like I'm going to hurt her.

I don't mind waiting more for her to come around, I just worry she'll stop making progress and she'll never really trust me. I'm probably worrying too much, that's a specialty of mine. :P

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I wonder how long it takes for love to happen.

I can't help you with an answer, but I have been wondering the same thing lately. I have realised that one of the reasons why I decided to not adopt a cat (yet) is the fact that Cat the Elder is still alive. He was my first cat, and, even though he now lives with my parents, he's still my kitteh at heart and has been for 18 years. I love him so much, I can't get a new cat, because it wouldn't be fair on him or her. I also fear that I will compare any potential new cat with Cat the Elder, and that they won't be able to measure up (because Cat the Elder is the most awesome kitteh in the world!).

Having said all that, I think that your relationship with Ellie New Cat is still so fresh, and one month is probably not enough to bond properly, especially since you stood at the beginning of the grieving process when you got her. You and Ellie New Cat have only just embarked on a relationship of many years, and there's plenty of time for love to happen, gradually.

I don't blame you at all for not getting another cat now. A lot of people pushed me to get another because mine was so old (18 as well) and we were so close, they worried about how I would be when she died. I was certain I wouldn't want one for a long time, but turns out that wasn't the case.

I think you're right about grieving, too. I don't think I'm fully over it yet, which I think would make it even harder for new feelings to bloom.

I dunno, I'd say you're worrying too much... I mean, you've only had Ellie for, what, a bit over a month? Compared to years? Yeah, people talk about the whole "love at first sight" thing, and while I guess it's possible, I think it's a lot more common to develop feelings over time. She's not a replacement, and she'll never be. Don't feel pressured into feeling the same things - you may not. It might end up being completely different, but that doesn't mean it's bad. Either way though, just give it time and don't worry so much! Rome wasn't built in a day! Or a month. Or even a year. Good, lasting things come in time.

You know, it's funny. I always say that to people about human relationships (so many people do the TROO WUV AT FIRST SITE thing in RP, I'm more the type to say that love grows over time, but OH NOS that's too slow). I guess I'm vulnerable to that flaw, too!

Cats are more active during dusk and dawn. I understand what you are going though. My little cat does the same thing. It's like she has lost her mind for a few mins and starts running all over the place and attacking anything and anyone that is in the way lol.

Yeah, luckily I got my previous cat adjusted back to daytime hours, but Ellie still needs to learn! zzz

Give it time. One month is hardly anything. Cats do not really grow up and start chilling until they are a couple years old anyway. Miss Kitty is finally doing better about being picked up and she is a year old now.

Yay, I'm glad Miss Kitty is! Looking forward to the nice chill days and having Ellie sleep the night through. :)

I wonder how long it takes for love to happen.

Magic 8-ball says ask again later. Damn useless thing!

I just worry she'll stop making progress and she'll never really trust me.

See, I'm not sure if it's so much of a trust issue as it is probably a phobia. I know our only remaining cat is really jumpy, she's always been jumpy since she was impregnated when she was semi-feral before we got her. Like, if you go at her too fast she'll shy away or if you make too much noise near her when she's not expecting it she'll go into "holy shit holy shit holy shit!" mode.

I'm sure you'd be able to get most of the habits out of Ellie but if it's a phobia it will probably require more work to change your habits as well (like trying to get yourself used to not reaching with 2 hands). Ya, I know it shouldn't really have to be that way and the trust should be there (and is already starting based on the progress so far) but that's the thing with phobias, be definition they defy logic and are more instinct then anything else.

But that is also part of love, taking the good with the bad and working around it towards the good times and accepting when bad times might come around.

Darned Magic 8-ball! It's fired! *shakes it*

You describe her perfectly. When she gets scared, you can see "holy shit holy shit holy shit!" going through her brain.

But that is also part of love, taking the good with the bad and working around it towards the good times and accepting when bad times might come around.

That is a very, very good point. I need to remember that!

I hope I don't get banned from Thistle forever for this comment. I am a cat person, I've had a few, and loved 'em all. But there are varying levels...Emma, my first cat, was often jokingly called my familiar. She waited at the bus stop for me to get home from school. She slept on my feet or under my head every night (maine-coon == giant furry pillow). She was very judgmental of any girl I brought home, including hissing and glaring. I've had 3 cats since Emma, and none has even come close to being that awesome.

Static had potential to be as awesome as my first cat, but she couldn't adapt. When I got married, she couldn't deal with the change. She ignored everyone but me, and often me too. When my wife brought in another pet, she became hostile to everyone. 3-4 months and she stayed violently hostile if anyone but me was in the house. I ended up giving her to an older lady looking to replace her recently deceased pet. Static is quite happy now, a a spoiled only pet.

Cpt James T Kirk (Tiberius for short), my current cat, is a ladies man. He sleeps at my feet, and comes by for a quick scratch or wrestle, but his interest is always in the ladies (regardless of species).

In my opinion, if you haven't noticed a hell of a lot of improvement inside 6 months, and you want a cat with a personality considerably different from Ellie, consider getting a different cat. Cats are survivors - Ellie will likely do fine. If every day is a trial with Ellie, and you don't feel the sense of reward commensurate, then you and another cat will be considerably happier. There's a lot out there in need of a good home, and there's guaranteed to be some who will be as awesome as you deserve (as a good cat owner).

That's a good point, but I can't take it. (And no bannings, no worries!) "Will likely do fine" isn't good enough. Unless I can get a guarantee she'll get as good or better care than she would with me, then I wouldn't give her to someone else. To me, animals aren't objects to be given away or traded in for something better. You adopt an animal, it should be yours forever to the very best of your ability -- about the only reasons I'd give up a pet would be if I were dying or homeless.

I had a friend who had two cats when he moved to California, he had them for years. Because the already high rent here would be even higher with the pet fee, he gave them up so he could get a better apartment for his money. For me, that's a wrong decision and I'd hate myself forever for making it.

I can't give up on her. If she doesn't change, so be it. I'll do the best I can for her.

In your case: It's your life. You can and should do what you think is right for you. This is just what I feel.

I could have placed money on that response and it wouldn't even have been a gamble. I've been hanging out here too much...

You know me too well, my friend. :) <3

Exactly, which is why I know you'll enjoy this. (http://youtu.be/_sUrQWsUjTA)

Oh. My. God. I was snickering from the first second! I loved every second of it. And that "Oooh my" was my favorite part of any commercial ever. :D

Thanks for no bannings :). I knew we differed in our opinions on this, but I felt I had to express mine. I wouldn't turn a cat over to an animal shelter either - as in the case I mentioned (Static), I made sure she had a home that was a better fit than mine (and I still miss her on lazy weekends). But in the end, to me, they are still just pets - if an animal is capable of actually angering me (i have a very long temper), then a change of living arrangements is safer for everyone involved.

I totally respect your view, though I don't think I could live that way.

It'd take a lot for me to ban someone. I'm open to people agreeing on most stuff! Using 'gay' or 'rape' incorrectly after warnings might do it, or "radical right" opinions that clearly aren't open to debate... stuff along those lines would do it. Oh, and NWS pictures left in my comments would have to get people banned since they might get me fired!

if an animal is capable of actually angering me (i have a very long temper)

I've been sitting here trying to think of what an animal could do to anger me, and I'm coming up mostly blank. Peeing/pooping outside of the litterbox would annoy me, but I know it would be for some reason, not the cat doing it on purpose. Biting me would be bad, but again it would be for some reason -- even a "bad cat" would be biting for a reason, some abuse in its past or illness or something. Waking me up in the middle of the night annoys me, but again that's just young cat behavior.

All the things you list I count as mere annoyances. I don't even get annoyed at the waking up in the middle of the night - I just scratch behind the ears and go back to sleep.

Static would forget the other people in the house, would crawl into bed near me and go to sleep. If someone other than me made a noise (a snort, a sigh, jingle of collar tags) she'd wake up and attack the nearest living thing- me. And not "I want to get away from you" fear-attack. I needed stitches a few times, and I never made any move to hold, contain, or even touch her. She was still doing this after 6 months, and after the 3rd night in a week waking up to a furious ball of claws and teeth savaging my arm (and once, getting some deep wounds on my head), I had to walk outside to keep from responding in anger. The next day I started the search for a new home for her.

That's really strange behavior, I wonder what caused it. I don't know how effective it is, but they make "kitty calm" sprays. One sniff and supposedly it settles them right down.

Oh well, glad she has a new home now!

Tried kitty calm spray. Tried kitty-calm salmon paste catnip stuff. Didn't try kitty calm drops (you add to water bowl, kitty relaxes...yea, #1 ingredient was alcohol. I was not happy with the idea of getting her drunk so she'd cuddle up to the new housemates)

From everything I read, some cats just don't adapt to some particular change. In this case, she couldn't adapt to a 4 month old neutered flirty kitten. From what I read, if some improvement isn't seen in 6 months, the chances of any improvement aren't good.

I think it's ok not to love new kitty as much - you haven't spent as much time with her, and these things grow over time if they grow, and if they don't grow as strongly, you're still giving her a home.

I have two cats right now, and I very obviously love one more than the other, and she loves me more than the other cat. One of them likes to sit with me when I do things, sleep under the covers, etc. etc. The other one basically has nothing to do with me unless there is food, or will sometimes timidly come let me pat her on the head, but she doesn't want to be picked up, ever, and she isn't really big about even sitting around me and the other cat. She likes to hide most of the time. I have no idea why this is, she doesn't seem afraid of ME or the other cat. Sometimes they make a catpile on my bed on weekends. (They aren't allowed in the bedroom while I'm at work on weekdays.)

So, I love one of them more than the other, and I still don't really love either of them as much as I loved the cat I grew up with. I think it's just part of what you went through with certain animals. You love them all, but it takes time, and sometimes you love certain ones more. You can't help how you feel.

and if they don't grow as strongly, you're still giving her a home.

That's the important part, I'm doing this to help a cat in need. Anything I get out of this is all bonus.

Isn't a cat who likes to sleep under the covers the best thing? So warm and cuddly!

Thanks for the comment! Yay kitties! :)

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I always know when it's 3:30 AM...

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