thistlechaser | Wil Wheaton responds to a 13 year old girl's question about being bullied

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Wil Wheaton responds to a 13 year old girl's question about being bullied

I wish someone had said this to me back when I was 13:

Back when I was in school, there had been no school shootings yet. Bullying was okay. Even teachers got in on it (either actively or by looking the other way). Only once did a teacher ever try to stop me from being bullied, and when she was ignored, she gave up.

There was no Internet. Talk about being cut off, being trapped with all these people who hated you and made sure you didn't go a minute without knowing it.

Sometimes I wonder what I would have been like now if I hadn't been bullied every single school day. I couldn't walk from one classroom to another without being pushed, teased, jabbed with thumbtacks and pencils, and other such abuses (the words were by far worse than any physical thing). It started in kindergarten (kindergarten! Because of the kind of lunch I had brought -- jelly and cream cheese on graham crackers, the other kids said it looked like worms) and it never stopped from there. Sometime in college it started slowing down. I think my junior year of college was the first year I had with no teasing.

It makes me bitter now, for so many reasons. No one should have to go through that. To think that positive things, like me liking to read and enjoying learning, only made it worse.

I often think I should be able to just 'shake it off' and forget about it. I was a kid, they were kids, I'm an adult now. It's not that easy though.

Edit: I had intended this to be a positive post, sharing that nice video. The subject of bullying seems to always send me in darker directions though.

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I feel you. I was bullied as a child too. Oddly though, once I found my confidence in my own self, and said thank you when I'd get called weird, bullies lost their steam. Once they didn't get that anxious or need-to-hide-now reaction, they gave up. I refer to bullies at school; my brother, I just stopped talking to him when I got to college and that's how I avoided his bullying.

Yeah, I could see that working (and hopefully I'd respond that way if it ever happened now!).

I'm sorry it happened to you, too.

I was the tallest kid in school until the sixth grade, and I was also one of the heaviest. During the sixties, you were expected to suck it up when people called you fatso, fatty, and Sherm (short for sherman tank). The teachers not only knew about the relentless "teasing," they participated. Even after I underwent a weight-loss program and got down to a "normal" weight in junior high, I still got the endless comments about my size all the way through high school. The bullying made me a bitter and suspicious loner.

I can't say that it was the worst part of it, but the teacher part was just so painful. I remember one seeing what was happening, and I could see in his eyes that he understood how much I was being hurt, and he just turned away. It was at that point I knew all hope was lost, that nothing would ever make this better and that it would never stop.

I'm sorry you had to go through it as well. Weight was another thing they picked on with me, too.

We ended up the same. I can't imagine that my childhood wasn't the cause of me being such a loner now.

Oh well, at least we have the Internet now. Contact this way is good.

It happened to me too. Bullying that shaded into dangerous violence. (Large rocks thrown at me, being beaten with sticks, etc.) Teachers knew. They did nothing useful.

Books saved me. They proved that there were people out there that I would like, and who would like me. I wanted to meet the people in the books. I wanted to meet the people who wrote the books.

Still my default emotion meeting anyone is fear. I work around that. And I read, and I write.

Ugh, that's awful. The most violent things that happened to me were more minor (handfuls of tacks down my pants, stuff put in my hair, that sort of thing).

Agreed on the books. There was one time I accidentally turned the teasing around: I had been reading and someone dropped a book down next to me and told me I should read that instead. Title was I Am The Cheese or something like that. It seemed interesting, so I said that I should. It deflated whoever it was.

I know what you mean on the fear thing. My chest gets tight and it's so hard to breath when I meet new people.

I'm glad the books made it better.

I must admit I was pretty lucky. While I was bullied in school, it started around 4th grade, so I had a few years of good friendship, plus the teachers loved me and treated me very well (they never realized I was bullied). Also, in the 80s-90s, bullying in Mexico was not like in the US or other countries. It was more about name-calling and isolation from the group (and some pranks like gluing my locker's lock) than any physical violence.

Funnily enough, I kinda brought the bullying upon myself. While I was not bullied from 1st-3rd grade, there were kids that were, and I started being friends with the bullied kids so they wouldn't be alone and sad. When this mean girl joined the group in 4th grade, this tendency plus my inherent "weirdness" made me a target, and since the other bullied kids had been pulled out of the school by then, I was the only target left.

I don't regret being friends with the bullied kids and becoming a target too though. Years later, during a science fair held in another school, one of the students there went to look for me at my stand. She was one of the bullied kids I'd been friends with, and she remembered me fondly (sadly there were no cellphones then yet and I had no pen/paper to write down her phone number so I lost track of her afterwards). Also, at some point I learned to stand my ground and defend myself, so the bullies still kept me isolated but otherwise didn't bother me as much, and since I didn't mind being isolated I wasn't too bothered by it either. While I don't exactly thank these people for bullying me, I am thankful for the strength I gained from learning to stand my ground.

That's good of you that you were friends with them. I'm not surprised that they remembered you -- I remember the one friend I had, too. I've tried tracking her down, but her name is too common and I've had no luck.

Thanks for leaving this comment. I too easily generalize and think ALL kids were awful.

My elementary school was tiny, so while I was bullied there it wasn't too bad. Middle/JuniorHigh school was hell. I was jumped by multiple people regularly - most often on my way to shop class, that was on the edge of campus. I was a small kid, near blind so I wore thick glasses, avid reader, honors classes. In retrospect, if I had known how back then, I could've easily blended in and probably would've been ignored. No bones were broken, but I came home bruised and bloodied pretty often, including being stabbed a few times.

Which was a bigger problem. The bullying didn't end when I got home. My father was by far the biggest bully I dealt with back then. Got beat up at school? "Be a man, blah blah blah", then I'd get beat up at home too.

Towards the end of middle school, I snapped. The bookish idealistic kid was gutted, the core hidden away, and the rest stepped into the sociopathy spectrum. I started fighting back - I remember vividly a time in 8th grade when 3 guys tried to jump me, and I fought by tooth and nail. I slammed heads into pavement, bit & ripped with my teeth, swung a weighted backpack...anything. I broke my father's arm, and that started him shifting from physical abuse to verbal. Verbal I could take. Another phonebook thrown at my head...maybe not.

The lasting results are obvious. The moment I could, I cut my father out of my life. My family doesn't understand why - I maintain a relationship with my sister and mother, but only just enough to prove I have a family. I suffer from social anxiety that, on bad days, crosses into acute paranoia. My psychiatrist says I'm functional without medication. I remain distant to even my closest friends, though I got lucky and met a girl who understands I'm not capable of normal emotional bonds, and we're happily married.

As for being an adult now...there isn't a single one of those people that I would hesitate to kill given the opportunity now. The only reason my father still lives is I know I'd be a prime suspect in the investigation. When I got to high school, it all changed. I was essentially a new sociopath - I had very little emotion, and I'm smart enough that I learned quickly how to emulate others. I was popular, smart, charming. The high school I attended had very few people from my previous school, so I reinvented myself stylisticly. From then on, I had friends, some of whom I still keep in touch with. Eventually I let my guard down some - I don't think everyone is trying to kill me anymore.

Edited 2014-03-31 20:49 (UTC)

Arg! I got lucky, my father died a few years ago (he had many, many problems and our family suffered for it).

I'm glad you have a better life now! I typoed 'life' as 'wife', but that fits, too. :)

Thanks! Having friends I only talk to online is something I never would have done when I was younger - people I can't see, can't manipulate, and can not bend to some advantage? Wouldnt bother. That I can have such friends now, and see such discussions as worthwhile, is a major thing. So, thanks :)

It's funny. I don't have any serious memories of bullying (though I did get some from my peers, especially on the bus, up until my parents pulled me from the public school system and into private schools), and yet I did get enough, combined with being the only weird bookish geek in my family, to get incredibly defensive about the things I like, even today as I near my 40th birthday.

While I'm not a huge fan of Wil Wheaton, I do appreciate his words in that video, and I'm glad he was able to (hopefully) give some comfort to the young audience member.

That'd be so rough, getting it from your family. My sister and I fought, and my father had... problems, but at least I didn't get bothered at home about liking to read and learn.

I hope so too! And hopefully it'll help others who see the video, too.

I was bullied as well, and all the way to early highschool when I got tired of it and fought back. Totally sympathize with you there!

However, I have a love hate with Wil. He does some good things, then turns around and shows himself to be the privileged asshole he really is. :( It's like being the geek supporting hero is another role he puts on for the media.

Arg! Someone else mentioned not liking him, and I had wondered why. I haven't seen the asshole side of him yet, but I have very few encounters with him, so that might be why.

I'm sorry you got bullied as well! Seems like all the best people did. *hugs lots*

*hugs!* :) I was not a pretty girl child, and a tomboy, so they treated me really poorly. Although I am glad I grew up before the internet.

I've never met Wil, and don't really care to. However, I've seen him claim to be on the side of various ethnic, feminist, and sexual orientation groups, then turn around and belittle their troubles.
If he were consistent with his helping I'd hold him in high respect, but he isn't.

Same. I always wanted to do "boy things" (dresses and dolls were boring!).

The net would have been a double-edged sword. On one hand, we would have been able to find more people like us, on the other... the online bullying would probably have made the offline look like a cakewalk.

I was bullied as a kid too, like so many others here. I was the poor Asian kid with the weird accent, in a school filled with white, privileged children. They hated that I was funny looking and wore the wrong clothes. They also hated that I was smarter and more talented than they were and swept all the contest prizes. :P

Fortunately I was blessed with a wonderful, loving family, so none of the abuses ever stuck. I really believe the best revenge is living well. I have a great life and do my best to insure that my kid also has that strong family to be his rock, no matter what life throws at him.

And you're doing a great job with him, too! It always makes me happy to read all the progress he's making (and A grades!) in your LJ. :D

I'm sorry you were as well! I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I have no ill effects from bullying really, because I had a supportive family. I am sorry that not everybody had that.

My kid has a completely different school experience than I had. He inherited Hubby's extrovert gene, and gets along great with everyone.

I often think I should be able to just 'shake it off' and forget about it. I was a kid, they were kids, I'm an adult now. It's not that easy though.

.. I can't speak from experience as I was never bullied but I should imagine it would be very difficult to be able to forget such a terrible experience.

So sorry you had to endure such an awful thing as bullying.

Thank you. *hugs*

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Wil Wheaton responds to a 13 year old girl's question about being bullied

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