![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thistlechaser
Note on this book: I basically lost a bet and had to read it. As an April Fool's joke, an online book club I'm in announced that they'd be reading this book. Knowing it was a joke, I had said that if it really got picked I'd have to read it. ...they ended up really picking it, so here I am.
Morning Glory Milking Farm by C.M. Nascosta.
Quick synopsis: A newly graduated college student is unable to find work, but eventually she spots an ad for a "milking technician" and accepts the job.
Brief opinion: Picture 50 Shades of Grey with furries. Did 50 Shades have graphic sex scenes? Milking Farm certainly did. Over half the book was very, very graphic/detailed sex. Between a human woman and a giant minotaur.
Plot: In a world where mythical creatures are real, a pharmaceutical company needs minotaur ...fluids... to make erectile dysfunction pills.
Violet, a recent college grad with a growing pile of credit card debt, can't find a job in her field so she answers a help wanted ad for a "milking technician".
Turns out milking technicians give handjobs to minotaurs all day.
One of the bulls turns her on right away (with lovely descriptions like her leaving a "slime trail" on every chair she sits on...). He's basically a rich dom. Deep, commanding voice. And don't even ask me to describe his dick.
In the second half of the book the plot is basically gone and it's just sex, sex, and more sex. How does Violet have sex with a minotaur whose dick is so big she can't even circle it with both her hands? (Ugh, I can't believe I read this book.)
Editing: Not good. Lots of typos/editing issues. Bad self-published book.
What I Liked/What I Didn’t Like: Well. The first half of the book (which we read in week one of the book club) wasn't that bad. I liked the worldbuilding with the mythical creatures. Violet's job was actually kind of interesting sort of (her co-workers, training and such), and in the first half the two were mostly just lusting after each other. There were endless handjobs, but no sex yet.
The second half of the book (read for the second week of the club) was awful. Nothing but sex. So much sex. Impossible sex size-wise. Pages and pages of extremely detailed sex.
Rating: 1-Hated / 2-Disliked / 3-Okay / 4-Liked / 5-Loved: First half of the book would be three stars/okay, second half would be one star/hated, so average to: ⭐️⭐️ - Disliked
-----
A Parade of Horribles by Matt Dinniman.
Quick synopsis: Book 8 of this series, Carl and company continue to try to survive. This time through a death race thing (don't come in last place or you die), followed by a short parade/level.
Brief opinion: While I've really enjoyed this series (heck, I've listened to it three and a half times so far), this book really didn't work for me. It was about 20 hours to listen to, and 18 of them were just a filler episode. Only the last two hours had any plot movement.
Plot: 10th floor: A death match race thingie. Crawlers are assigned some kind of a vehicle (Carl and Donut got a food truck) and have to race in seven races. The last place team in each race is killed.
Nothing at all of significance happened during the races.
11th floor: At about the 80% point of the book, everything takes a left turn. The AI goes even more insane and gets even more powerful. There were a number of major action/plot events that I couldn't follow the logic/reasoning of (I kept waiting for them to be explained, but it never happened).
Editing: I listened to the audiobook, so no idea about the text editing. There was one word that was incorrect in the audio version, but I don't know if that's a mistake on Jeff/the narrator's part or the author's (I assume the former).
I did have a lot more trouble following the reading this time. I think Jeff was doing stronger accents, so I kept missing words. Plus there were more sound effects, which I don't like (there's the Soundbooth Theater version if you want sound effects, they shouldn't bleed over into the non-Soundbooth version).
What I Liked/What I Didn’t Like: Let me get this out of the way first: I neither liked nor found funny the endless "splooge" jokes. It was not funny the first joke, it was not funny the twentieth joke.
I didn't enjoy the races at all (felt like nothing more than a filler episode), and that was the majority of the book.
I was sad that there were so few emotional moments of the book. There was an extremely brief mention of something really sad about Gravy Boat/Ferdinand that was probably the high point of the book for me.
We did see a little more of Pony, which is something I've been looking for through the whole series.
It makes me sad to say this, but basically this book had no purpose other than to set up the final two books of the series.
Rating: 1-Hated / 2-Disliked / 3-Okay / 4-Liked / 5-Loved: ⭐️⭐️ ½ - Didn't really like. It pains me to rate this book that, but I was really disappointed by it. It's possible that part of the issue was that my expectations were too high though.
