"Voices" in my head
Nov. 6th, 2002 01:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thistlechaserA couple people have contacted me about my last post (characters active in your mind), so I'll try to explain better here:
When I have characters in my head, I can actually "cycle through" them and let each of them look at something in the real world and offer their thoughts on it. It's sort of like... letting one personality come further ahead and take over for a moment, it's like having someone else see through your eyes for a short time. Right now I mostly keep them in the background, because of the two currently with me, one is insane and the other is ICly dead and rather angry at the world -- neither is helpful. A while ago, when I had different folks in my head (Jacob is a good example), I'd be able to use him in a way; IC Jacob was smarter than RL me, and just had a totally different perspective on the world than me. I could be walking down a street and see something I wonder about, and let him come forward to have a look, then get some good insight on it.
It does sound totally crazy, I know. But I think the line between crazy and not is the ... "control" I have over it. None of this changeover happened unless I let it, other than one single time:
Back when I first arrived in this state, my fridge was of course empty, so I had to go grocery shopping. I was walking down the frozen food aisle and tried to look in through the glass door at something. However, because of how the lights were, I saw a reflection of myself instead. Or rather, I saw a growling lion. (I had been wearing a t-shirt with a giant lion head on it, snarling, mane covering the whole shirt.) For just a second, I thought that somehow a lion had gotten into the supermarket and was about to attack. The character in my head at the time (who was used to dealing with IC situations like this), leapt forward and jerked me back and had me ready to try to fight it off before I even realized I had jumped. (On my own, I'd be the stupid person who stands up and looks around when there's a gunshot fired.)
So, apart for some potential embarrassment, this 'having characters in your head' thing is mostly harmless, and perhaps somewhat helpful. I know it's not real people or ..."personalities" in my head, I know I'm just tapping into other parts of myself, but I don't know how I'd access them if not this way. Heck, I don't think I'd ever think to even try to find these parts of me, if they didn't come out this way... And besides, having them in my head is really, really fun.
Edited to add: I don't think I've described this fully or well. I can feel them in my head all the time, it's almost like a little pressure or a little push from each one. I can never forget they're there, I can sort of feel them in there.
When I have characters in my head, I can actually "cycle through" them and let each of them look at something in the real world and offer their thoughts on it. It's sort of like... letting one personality come further ahead and take over for a moment, it's like having someone else see through your eyes for a short time. Right now I mostly keep them in the background, because of the two currently with me, one is insane and the other is ICly dead and rather angry at the world -- neither is helpful. A while ago, when I had different folks in my head (Jacob is a good example), I'd be able to use him in a way; IC Jacob was smarter than RL me, and just had a totally different perspective on the world than me. I could be walking down a street and see something I wonder about, and let him come forward to have a look, then get some good insight on it.
It does sound totally crazy, I know. But I think the line between crazy and not is the ... "control" I have over it. None of this changeover happened unless I let it, other than one single time:
Back when I first arrived in this state, my fridge was of course empty, so I had to go grocery shopping. I was walking down the frozen food aisle and tried to look in through the glass door at something. However, because of how the lights were, I saw a reflection of myself instead. Or rather, I saw a growling lion. (I had been wearing a t-shirt with a giant lion head on it, snarling, mane covering the whole shirt.) For just a second, I thought that somehow a lion had gotten into the supermarket and was about to attack. The character in my head at the time (who was used to dealing with IC situations like this), leapt forward and jerked me back and had me ready to try to fight it off before I even realized I had jumped. (On my own, I'd be the stupid person who stands up and looks around when there's a gunshot fired.)
So, apart for some potential embarrassment, this 'having characters in your head' thing is mostly harmless, and perhaps somewhat helpful. I know it's not real people or ..."personalities" in my head, I know I'm just tapping into other parts of myself, but I don't know how I'd access them if not this way. Heck, I don't think I'd ever think to even try to find these parts of me, if they didn't come out this way... And besides, having them in my head is really, really fun.
Edited to add: I don't think I've described this fully or well. I can feel them in my head all the time, it's almost like a little pressure or a little push from each one. I can never forget they're there, I can sort of feel them in there.
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no subject
Date: 2002-11-06 06:32 pm (UTC)Re: Living characters
Date: 2002-11-07 05:23 pm (UTC)Ever since that day he's only become worse - but I still love the bastard anyway, and at least I know exactly where most of him comes from, if not quite how it's derived or why he does some of what he does. He's more intelligent than I am, and much more devious, malicious and manipulative - but he's still got this peculiar innocence, though that's eroded a bit over time and TPs. I can't quite do Thistle's trick of letting him tell me what to make of something, but that's mostly because that part of him has already been active in me for what's now most of my life.
At least the other person living in my head has a sense of humour. Something to be grateful for, I suppose. Even if that sense of humour is both wild and outrageous...
no subject
Date: 2002-11-10 02:12 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2002-11-10 03:00 pm (UTC)