An apology and a window (FFXI then RL)

[thistlechaser]

First off, many apologies to gbeans! I'm so so so so sorry for missing Eco tonight! Work was just horrible and I was stressed and I totally forgot what day it was! I had been looking forward to going, too.

For the first time in, well, ever, I'm trying for some balance in my life. A little of everything, but not spending all my free time on one thing. I'm at least checking into FFXI once a day (and staying longer if the mood strikes me or I can find something to do), I'm reading some logs, watching some TV, and RPing (usually, or so it's planned).

I didn't RP tonight on the new MUSH, and I'm trying to fight off feelings of guilt about that. But it's not a job or a requirement to RP (or to FFXI or watch TV or anything)! But I semi-want to RP, but it's hard finding it on a new place, but I didn't try very hard, but but but. :p Maybe tomorrow work will be better and I can RP.

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It's sort of odd what logs catch. When I was RPing Sly, I logged basically everything from his world (because basically everything was IC/RP). One of the few times we weren't RPing was the morning of 9/11. It's very odd and more than disturbing to read what I thought and how I reacted then. I suppose I was probably scared that morning, but I hope it was more than that. I hope I've grown in the years since then. (I had voiced that "bombing innocents" would be okay, if that's what it took to "Let the world see you don't take stuff like this". ) Gah, gah, gah. Horrible. (I suppose maybe I have changed since then, what with stopping eating meat and not even killing spiders and such...) Maybe it's unfair to try to judge that morning now, but... but... I don't like to believe there's any reason (other than immediate personal defense) that would make me approve of hurting another person... I hope I've grown and changed since then, and that if something of that level happened again that I wouldn't react in the same way as I did that morning. I don't know though...

Comments

[peppygrowlithe.livejournal.com]

I think everybody who gave a care about 9/11 said some things and thought some things they'd later regret. I would be worried if somebody -didn't-. We were panicked. We were concerned. We were scared. Of course we wouldn't think purely rationally, of course we'd say things we would either not recall or not agree with on a later date, after the shock wore out. Don't beat yourself up over it. ;)

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

...not even if I like beating myself up? ;)

(But thanks!)

And hey, are we ever going to play that i-sketch thing again?

[peppygrowlithe.livejournal.com]

I've played i-sketch once since we played, with Baz, but we just went room hopping with random people. :)

I haven't been able to catch you on AIM, but maybe next time if I'm not busy RPing, we'll try it. :)

[quasilemur.livejournal.com]

I suppose you should worry, then. I know I did, but for different reasons...specifically, I was apparently in the minority because I didn't want to arbitrarily bomb some country because of a criminal act that was (A) Committed by criminals, the majority of which weren't even citizens of the country 'we' wanted to bomb. But of course we can't bomb Saudi, it's too profitable for us...and (B) Supported by a group of dangerous fundamentalists that we ourselves funded, equipped, trained, and put in power.

From the things I heard in the period after the attack, apparently it was a perfectly legitimate response to a terrorist attack to randomly kill some brown people. But then again, thinking about things rationally or with some degree of perspective was particularly unarmerican at the time. Use your brain, and the terrorists win...Because illiciting a response of blind fear and hatred surely wasn't the very thing the terrorists were trying to do. Shucks.

I was working in a convenience store at the time (largely staffed with brown people, no less), so I was treated to my fair share of humanity in those next couple of months, let me tell you.

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've not been on AIM much in the past few days. Being back at work makes my free time so limited! Too much to do, too little time. :(

[evilgrayson.livejournal.com]

9/11 was a day of mixed emotions for me.

It was a truly ghastly thing that happened, one that left me shocked, stunned and horrified along with half of the rest of the world.

I could see that there was going to be war over it, and I dreaded it - but I really hated knowing that I'd be right.

But, there was a little bit of contentment right at the back of my soul. A trace of satisfaction at justice done. The almighty USA finally got hit by what they'd funded against us. I knew why the Palestinians were cheering, and I couldn't fault them. Finally, everyone in the USA understood what terrorism was, and they understood it in a way they'd never been able to before but in a way that everyone old enough to remember the IRA's campaigns does here. 'Welcome to the world' I said, and I said it more than once that day - and I was far from the only Brit saying it. The USA had a very sheltered childhood in this regard, and that made the shock of waking all the worse.

I follow a very strict set of rules in my life, a moral and ethical code that seems to be very different from most folks'. I hold the concept of justice very dear, but I hold a single human life to be precious beyond words. I never have condoned acts of terrorism and I never will - but that doesn't stop at least a fragment of my soul still feeling that some measure of justice was done that day, even while the rest of it laments for all those who've died under similar circumstances down the millenia.

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

I remember you saying basically that at the time, and I also remember that I wasn't in any sort of a headspace to listen to you. I recall arguing the other side just because it was "my" side (the US's), not because I believed in it so much as I felt I needed to stand with everyone else against any attackers... even a friend.

I remember you saying you thought there would be war over it, but I don't remember if I believed you or not. I suspect I didn't really care: War would have been something less immediate, and immediate "bomb them now!" was all I was thinking/feeling/probably wanting.

I hold the concept of justice very dear, but I hold a single human life to be precious beyond words. I never have condoned acts of terrorism and I never will - but that doesn't stop at least a fragment of my soul still feeling that some measure of justice was done that day

I understand and I don't disagree. I'm sorry the brunt of the lesson got forced onto innocent people, but I understood the country as a whole brought this about.

I wish I could say that most folks here understand things better now, but I suspect not. I think my small circle of online friends mostly do, but I worry a lot about the average American person. Hell, they voted Bush back in office, so I guess I'm right to worry.