Good doctor, bad Warcraft porn
Mar. 17th, 2010 08:34 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thistlechaserEvery time I go to see my doctor, I always leave her office saying how much I like her. She has to be the most positive person in my whole life. She tells me how proud she is of me (no one says that to me but her!) and how well I'm doing. She's also fond of telling me she believes in me and that this is the year good things will happen health-wise. She actually hugged me too (asking permission first). Best doctor I've ever had by far!
My weight and blood pressure are both down (exercise is good for something!), my blood sugar is a little worse, but she said that's because of the exercise (I boggled a little at that, but she explained it -- if I keep up with the exercise, my body will stop thinking I'm trying to kill it and lose more fat/stop messing up my sugar so much).
So all in all, yay! I had been so paranoid about this appointment because I thought I had to have gained weight (I hate the idea of disappointing her more than anything else), but I lost! And another reason to love her: She tells me over and over again to ignore my scales, don't weigh myself, etc. Keep exercising, eat the best that I can, and go by how I feel, how my clothing fits, etc. I love that! Watching the scale/exact weight numbers used to be so frustrating and depressing.
--
While puttering around looking for something interesting to download and watch, I found a file called "Whores of Warcraft: Rogues Do It From Behind (porn)". How could I resist checking that out!
First I laughed, then I yawned. Live action, this half-naked rogue chick (seriously, all she was dressed in were two straps of leather, one around her crotch and the other around the upper half of her breasts) jumped some armor-wearing guy.
First amusing bit: In the opening credits, they listed a special effects guy. The grand total of special effects was the armor guy screaming and the screen going red, then the rogue used vanish: screen turned blue, when it faded back in, she was gone! Like magic!
The whole thing was almost eleven minutes long. The first two minutes was the two fighting, ending with her killing the guy. Fade to black. Fade back in. Rogue, who just killed this guy, is now giving him a BJ. (I'm writing this at work, so trying not to be too detailed in how I describe things.) Worst. BJ. Ever. She drooled so much there were strings of it running from one of his thighs to her mouth to his other thigh. I have never seen strings of drool that long before.
So that goes on for way too many minutes, then the man wakes up. This woman just killed him and now is all over him, and instead of being OH MY GOD YOU CRAZY BITCH GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME, he starts doing her. The woman who killed him.
I may be thinking about this too much, but where is the logic in this? If she wanted to have sex with him, why not just, you know, ask him? If he didn't want to do it with her, why was he A-OK with it now? Even "Hey baby, I'm here to fix your sink" has more logic than this movie!
Now, with a title like "Rogues Do It From Behind" and the rogue being a woman, I was expecting some strap-on action. Nope. Just the most boring porn positions you could imagine. She made the most horrible, boring porn moans as well.
Other amusing point: The man didn't have a single hair anywhere on him. Bald, chest/underarm/crotch were all waxed. Except! His crotch had a five o'clock shadow!
The sex was just so bad (BORING). I don't ask for much plot-wise from my porn, but this was just so unbelievable. The woman had a nice enough body, but I couldn't look at the guy without laughing. AND WHAT THE HELL IS IT WITH ALL THAT DROOL?!
My weight and blood pressure are both down (exercise is good for something!), my blood sugar is a little worse, but she said that's because of the exercise (I boggled a little at that, but she explained it -- if I keep up with the exercise, my body will stop thinking I'm trying to kill it and lose more fat/stop messing up my sugar so much).
So all in all, yay! I had been so paranoid about this appointment because I thought I had to have gained weight (I hate the idea of disappointing her more than anything else), but I lost! And another reason to love her: She tells me over and over again to ignore my scales, don't weigh myself, etc. Keep exercising, eat the best that I can, and go by how I feel, how my clothing fits, etc. I love that! Watching the scale/exact weight numbers used to be so frustrating and depressing.
--
While puttering around looking for something interesting to download and watch, I found a file called "Whores of Warcraft: Rogues Do It From Behind (porn)". How could I resist checking that out!
First I laughed, then I yawned. Live action, this half-naked rogue chick (seriously, all she was dressed in were two straps of leather, one around her crotch and the other around the upper half of her breasts) jumped some armor-wearing guy.
First amusing bit: In the opening credits, they listed a special effects guy. The grand total of special effects was the armor guy screaming and the screen going red, then the rogue used vanish: screen turned blue, when it faded back in, she was gone! Like magic!
The whole thing was almost eleven minutes long. The first two minutes was the two fighting, ending with her killing the guy. Fade to black. Fade back in. Rogue, who just killed this guy, is now giving him a BJ. (I'm writing this at work, so trying not to be too detailed in how I describe things.) Worst. BJ. Ever. She drooled so much there were strings of it running from one of his thighs to her mouth to his other thigh. I have never seen strings of drool that long before.
So that goes on for way too many minutes, then the man wakes up. This woman just killed him and now is all over him, and instead of being OH MY GOD YOU CRAZY BITCH GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME, he starts doing her. The woman who killed him.
I may be thinking about this too much, but where is the logic in this? If she wanted to have sex with him, why not just, you know, ask him? If he didn't want to do it with her, why was he A-OK with it now? Even "Hey baby, I'm here to fix your sink" has more logic than this movie!
Now, with a title like "Rogues Do It From Behind" and the rogue being a woman, I was expecting some strap-on action. Nope. Just the most boring porn positions you could imagine. She made the most horrible, boring porn moans as well.
Other amusing point: The man didn't have a single hair anywhere on him. Bald, chest/underarm/crotch were all waxed. Except! His crotch had a five o'clock shadow!
The sex was just so bad (BORING). I don't ask for much plot-wise from my porn, but this was just so unbelievable. The woman had a nice enough body, but I couldn't look at the guy without laughing. AND WHAT THE HELL IS IT WITH ALL THAT DROOL?!
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no subject
Date: 2010-03-17 05:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-17 05:46 pm (UTC)I'm proud of you for a few reasons, but the most notable one I can think of is, that you actually *try* to cook things for yourself, despite it not being easy.
no subject
Date: 2010-03-18 03:18 am (UTC)Best. Line. Ever. I laughed my butt off when I read this.
no subject
Date: 2010-03-18 03:29 am (UTC)Some are just plain weird, and some amuse the heck outta me. I'm still trying to figure which of my current icons to replace with my, "I love you, magic fish." icon.
And also, completely unrelated, have you ever heard of The Twelve Kingdoms? It's both a series of novels (that's not quite finished being translated into English - four are out so far) and an anime. I'd HIGHLY suggest checking them out if you're looking for something to do, but I'd definitely read the books first. And don't let the first bit of the book/first five or six episodes of the anime put you off. Both start out a little dry, but once they pick up they're fantastic. Given the other stuff you're into I think you'd get a kick out of it.
no subject
Date: 2010-03-18 03:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-18 03:58 pm (UTC)And yep, one day I will learn to cook!
no subject
Date: 2010-03-18 03:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-18 04:00 pm (UTC)Hmmmmm, I'm pretty sure I saw the anime (long time ago, back when I first started getting into it). I wonder if I have it burned to a CD? Otherwise I can download it again! Thanks for the rec!
no subject
Date: 2010-03-19 05:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-19 03:35 pm (UTC)I loved the ones about the vikings (that's actually how I found the comic to begin with) and showed them to Alex since he likes to carry on about how "Vikings are the manliest dudes EVER!"
Manly dudes indeed...
I still think my favorite is the magic fish one. Or possibly the "Hilting" one...
no subject
Date: 2010-03-20 03:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-22 04:29 am (UTC)