Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tales

Well poo. For the first time in my entire life, I had a doctor I really liked. I've been seeing her for eight or nine years now. She's the most positive, wonderful person I know. She hugged me for losing weight (after asking if it would be okay), and forever after I wanted to lose more just because it made her so happy.

She was both a general practice/internal medicine doctor as well as a specialist. Thanks to the insurance company, she was forced to just take specialist patients. (I assume that she could have picked to stay with general instead of specialist, but I bet that would come with a cut in pay, so I don't blame her. The specialist medicine is probably more interesting, too.) So myself and her other general patients have to find a new doctor.

I really don't want to. Like I said, she was the only good doctor I've had in my entire life. What are the chances I'll get another one so friendly and positive?

Blah.

In unrelated news, I'm (FINALLY) almost done with Shadow Scales/Seraphina 2 book. Anyone who is holding their breath for the book: Reread the first one instead. The first 50% of it was boring as hell (just about humans and a bit about the half-dragons, no dragons at all). The second 50% has the dragons, so it's somewhat more interesting, but overall the book feels like such a slog. I have about an hour and a half left of reading in it. I want to be done just so I can move onto some other book that might be better. Sad! The first book was so good.

Home from the doctor. Like the last time I had an ingrown toenail, she cut half of it off. Unlike last time, she put acid on it to kill the root so it won't grow back.

- It hurts a lot more than last time. It feels like it's on fire. OW.
- Yay it not growing back. Now I have just three potential spots for ingrown nails instead of four (I seem to only get them on the corners of my big toes).

I have to wear open-toed shoes for a week.

- I don't own a pair of open-toed shoes, other than flipflops (which would hurt like hell to put on). Luckily they gave me a throw-away open shoe-type thing. It's giant and ugly, but it'll work.

I'm so sick of doctors and appointments, and I still have so much I need to do. I'm supposed to see the dentist at the end of the month, same day my car has to go in (so one needs to be rescheduled). Cat has to go to the vet. I still need to see the therapist and get the sleep study done as requirements for my surgery, as well as attending another three hour information class one evening. I have to see the nutritionist five more times in the next five months. Not to mention near-weekly follow-up appointments to check my leg.

My mantra is "At least I have insurance". It helps some.

I see a nutritionist once a month. Not totally by choice, but I need to, so. One of the goals we set was me cooking twice a week. With my mother here (and cooking nightly) there was no chance or reason to, so this week is my first week of trying it. I had intended to cook last night, but I had leftover Chinese food so it got pushed off until tonight.

I poked around online for an easy recipe, perhaps one in the crock pot. I decided on:

Pork chops
Packet of ranch dressing
Can of cream of chicken soup
Stick in the crock pot on low for four hours or so.

In an effort to be healthier, I got "heart healthy" (low sodium) soup. The regular stuff has a whole day's worth of sodium in one can.

Once I was putting those things together I paused, wondering how in the world it was going to taste. Turned out it was pretty okay. It tasted neither like ranch nor like chicken/soup, it just tasted sort of okay. A tiny tiny bit tangy (which surprised me, the recipe was for 6 pork chops, I used 2, so I worried it would be too strong). I wouldn't make it again, but I ate it tonight and I'll eat the other one tomorrow night. (Edit: Must remember to remove all fat from pork chops before putting them into the crock pot.)

Must shop and find something to cook for the weekend. Also, must find things like side dishes or something (my dinner was a pork chop, period). Also, no more 'cream of...' things.

Toe/medical: I'm trying not to be too depressed or distressed, though I feel like jumping out a window. I have an infection in my toe (ingrown toenail), same side as my bad leg. I went to the doctor yesterday and got antibiotics, but she has no idea which one (if any) will work, since I had basically all of them in my system within the last month. (Isn't that a scary thought? I had every single antibiotic that exists in me, except one.)

The doctor wasn't worried, so I'm trying not to be, but all I can think about is it getting really bad and spreading up to my leg, causing that to flare up again. I swear to god, I cannot go back to the hospital. My leg has to finish getting better, not worse. It still looks like I have the plague, all the skin is in the process of replacing itself, it's really dark/grey/red blotchy. Even if I had the energy I couldn't go swimming -- rightfully people would not want me in the pool with them, I look contagious with some horrible thing.

I try to be chipper and happy, especially at work, but I just can't deal with more medical stuff. It's only been 24 hours of taking antibiotics (3 pills total). While the net has no exact figure on how long it takes antibiotics to work, every site I looked at listed something more than a day. I will not panic yet that it's not looking any better.

(I don't know why the doctor only gave me pills instead of cutting the nail like they had last time I had an infected ingrown one. I'm assuming because of the issues with my body and antibiotics, she didn't want to expose me to more potential infection than necessary.)

I should be sleeping
Awake, heart racing... dying?
Death better than work

I think I had my first panic attack last night. 2 AM, I jolted awake, heart pounding fast, panting, wide awake... and it didn't stop. More than an hour it went on, I was sure it was a heart attack but didn't call 911 because, in my 2 AM logic, dying seemed a better option than living and going to work the next day.

I'm so glad I don't agree with that now that I'm awake! Things are settling down, somewhat better than yesterday. Still hot as all hell here. Insane. It's too bad, as my old desk had the 100% perfect temperature all the time, year 'round.

Did you know panic attacks could be brought on by having tapeworms? I wasn't sure exactly what panic attacks involved, so I googled, and it seems to fit not just my current life, but my lifestyle as a whole (eh, except the tapeworms). I'm kind of surprised I haven't had one before now! I'm a serious stresspuppy, among other matching conditions/traits.

Even though I felt like crap (both legs and left arm felt like they had been punched all night -- what had I been doing in the bit of time I was asleep?! Plus my sleep was broken on either end of the 2 AM fun), I tried to exercise this morning, but gave up after about 15 minutes. I was too exhausted and hurting too much to finish. Blah.

Every time I go to see my doctor, I always leave her office saying how much I like her. She has to be the most positive person in my whole life. She tells me how proud she is of me (no one says that to me but her!) and how well I'm doing. She's also fond of telling me she believes in me and that this is the year good things will happen health-wise. She actually hugged me too (asking permission first). Best doctor I've ever had by far!

My weight and blood pressure are both down (exercise is good for something!), my blood sugar is a little worse, but she said that's because of the exercise (I boggled a little at that, but she explained it -- if I keep up with the exercise, my body will stop thinking I'm trying to kill it and lose more fat/stop messing up my sugar so much).

So all in all, yay! I had been so paranoid about this appointment because I thought I had to have gained weight (I hate the idea of disappointing her more than anything else), but I lost! And another reason to love her: She tells me over and over again to ignore my scales, don't weigh myself, etc. Keep exercising, eat the best that I can, and go by how I feel, how my clothing fits, etc. I love that! Watching the scale/exact weight numbers used to be so frustrating and depressing.

--

While puttering around looking for something interesting to download and watch, I found a file called "Whores of Warcraft: Rogues Do It From Behind (porn)". How could I resist checking that out!

First I laughed, then I yawned. Live action, this half-naked rogue chick (seriously, all she was dressed in were two straps of leather, one around her crotch and the other around the upper half of her breasts) jumped some armor-wearing guy.

First amusing bit: In the opening credits, they listed a special effects guy. The grand total of special effects was the armor guy screaming and the screen going red, then the rogue used vanish: screen turned blue, when it faded back in, she was gone! Like magic!

The whole thing was almost eleven minutes long. The first two minutes was the two fighting, ending with her killing the guy. Fade to black. Fade back in. Rogue, who just killed this guy, is now giving him a BJ. (I'm writing this at work, so trying not to be too detailed in how I describe things.) Worst. BJ. Ever. She drooled so much there were strings of it running from one of his thighs to her mouth to his other thigh. I have never seen strings of drool that long before.

So that goes on for way too many minutes, then the man wakes up. This woman just killed him and now is all over him, and instead of being OH MY GOD YOU CRAZY BITCH GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME, he starts doing her. The woman who killed him.

I may be thinking about this too much, but where is the logic in this? If she wanted to have sex with him, why not just, you know, ask him? If he didn't want to do it with her, why was he A-OK with it now? Even "Hey baby, I'm here to fix your sink" has more logic than this movie!

Now, with a title like "Rogues Do It From Behind" and the rogue being a woman, I was expecting some strap-on action. Nope. Just the most boring porn positions you could imagine. She made the most horrible, boring porn moans as well.

Other amusing point: The man didn't have a single hair anywhere on him. Bald, chest/underarm/crotch were all waxed. Except! His crotch had a five o'clock shadow!

The sex was just so bad (BORING). I don't ask for much plot-wise from my porn, but this was just so unbelievable. The woman had a nice enough body, but I couldn't look at the guy without laughing. AND WHAT THE HELL IS IT WITH ALL THAT DROOL?!

Lack of hunger? Great, fine, wonderful.

Feeling sick all the time? Not good, but I suppose I can put up with it.

Getting sick whenever I dare to eat anything? Something of a problem...

Oatmeal seems to be one of the few things that causes no issues, but I cannot eat it three meals a day. However, I'm getting tired of being sick while at work because I dared eat lunch. (Silly me was sort of hungry! I skipped dinner last night because I wasn't feeling well and had only oatmeal for breakfast.)

PS: Next time I go to the doctor I had better have lost a good deal of weight! *pokes stomach* I'm talking to you.

One of my new medications has rather yucky side effects, and about 60% of the people on it get them...

( Yucky details back here... )

Good, non-yucky side effects of the drug are said to include weight loss. I'm a little worried I won't get that one since I didn't get the others, but we'll see.

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Last night I had the coolest dream. In it I was on American Idol and so I was seeing all the behind the scenes stuff. For some reason it took a whole week of singing/filming to make the one hour weekly show! I was taking detailed notes of everything that happened (the show, the apartments they gave us to use, what the people were like) so that I could make a LJ post when it was all done. :P I figured it'd make a great post, since few would ever experience stuff like that and I'd have lots of inside info!

I was rather depressed when I woke up, not that I wasn't on the show but because I didn't have the material for a real quality post. *snicker*