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thistlechaserMy ipad didn't want to connect to my network, so I spent my reading time troubleshooting that. Once fixed, I downloaded the book, and though I didn't mean to read, I figured I'd check out the first page to see how the writing was.
I only got to the second paragraph before I started laughing.
(This post became a first for my blog: A "real-time" book review! I couldn't stop reading. Click the cut to follow along as I experienced Taken by the Swarm.)
Second paragraph of the first page of Taken by the Swarm - Seduced by WEREBEES. The main character just arrived in a new town after driving all night, and her first thought was about "trying her new toy" right then and there. (Because driving all night and ending up in a strange new city makes everyone want to whip out their vibrators and go to town right there in "the golden sunlight" in the middle of the street?)
Belinda's solitary sessions of sensual stroking were often narrated in her mind by the scenes and recollections of moments of magic with men, or boys, or occasionally women. Oh, and that one time with... Hmmmmmmm.
Haha the third paragraph is about the "cake v sex" war in her mind, about the merits of cake vs those of sex (because one can only pick one or the other?).
This writing is killing me. "But recent events had delivered her from any passion for partners or hankering for hookups or even for fucks with friends."
Second page, lord, she's in the middle of the street eating cake and whipping out her vibrator. I really need to get to bed, but we're only on the second page and we're about to get to the adventures of the Buzz G-spot vibrator!
Third page: "Her nostrils found the scent of her womanly wetness, wafting from the seat below her." Allow me to say EWWW. That makes it sound like the seat is soaked with her, um, fluids and stinks all the time.
Okay, the logic of this story is just off (shocking, I know). She's a "BBW" (big beautiful woman). She's described as having "deep folds". Yet she can climb from the front seat into the backseat without leaving the car and strip off her jeans and panties as she does it. And keep in mind, her car is still parked right there on the street!
Hahaha I actually found a sentence I liked, but it came back to... well, I'll just share the section.
She stroked the fine golden fuzz between her thighs, where she was hot. And damp. Belinda yearned.
She yearned for cake.
I liked that "Belinda yearned." sentence -- nice and straightforward and simple.
As a side note, the writing is, um, not the worst I've ever read (though pretty darned bad and failing big time in logic issues). A couple pages in and there have been a few typing issues and incorrect words ("She decided that the thin cotton shirt cold probably go now.").
"Her soft, bouncy, luscious, loving, honey-colored breasts."
Let me tell you, Mr. or Mrs. Author, a "BBW's" breasts will not be bouncy. Also, everything in this town is honey-colored, as is her car.
Arg, page... what page, 30% in and the typing has gotten a lot worse. Too many or too few commas and really rough wording, it's hard to understand what she intends to say. However, as all the book thus far has been about sex, cake, and a "nearby buzzing", I don't fear the loss of the plot's thread.
Dammit, author, stop it! "She thought about how the plump, pliant, persistent bulb would feel delving down in her drenching lips." "...as she drowsily gave herself to the dreamy drifting deliveries of pleasure."
@R*(UR@!F "She found the perfect angle and the exact soft, slow, slippery, swelling stroke to send her senses soaring." "Expanding ecstatic elevation"
And now: Her chest was pounding now, and her thighs were tightening now and her buttocks were flexing now and a dam was creaking now and cracking and breaking to open wide and burst.
A massive, melodious song of a sigh, slipped from her throat and she gushed and squirted her juices all over the seat and she reddened as the waves of tingling, primal, chasmic, orgasmic tied burst through her.
And: "...and it was almost more than she could bear as she came again. And again. And AGAIN."
Belinda then wakes and looks around the town she drove into, finding it full of men "buzzing about" everywhere. Foreshadowing? Stay tuned and find out! There's still 55% of the book left to go!
I only got to the second paragraph before I started laughing.
(This post became a first for my blog: A "real-time" book review! I couldn't stop reading. Click the cut to follow along as I experienced Taken by the Swarm.)
Second paragraph of the first page of Taken by the Swarm - Seduced by WEREBEES. The main character just arrived in a new town after driving all night, and her first thought was about "trying her new toy" right then and there. (Because driving all night and ending up in a strange new city makes everyone want to whip out their vibrators and go to town right there in "the golden sunlight" in the middle of the street?)
Belinda's solitary sessions of sensual stroking were often narrated in her mind by the scenes and recollections of moments of magic with men, or boys, or occasionally women. Oh, and that one time with... Hmmmmmmm.
Haha the third paragraph is about the "cake v sex" war in her mind, about the merits of cake vs those of sex (because one can only pick one or the other?).
This writing is killing me. "But recent events had delivered her from any passion for partners or hankering for hookups or even for fucks with friends."
Second page, lord, she's in the middle of the street eating cake and whipping out her vibrator. I really need to get to bed, but we're only on the second page and we're about to get to the adventures of the Buzz G-spot vibrator!
Third page: "Her nostrils found the scent of her womanly wetness, wafting from the seat below her." Allow me to say EWWW. That makes it sound like the seat is soaked with her, um, fluids and stinks all the time.
Okay, the logic of this story is just off (shocking, I know). She's a "BBW" (big beautiful woman). She's described as having "deep folds". Yet she can climb from the front seat into the backseat without leaving the car and strip off her jeans and panties as she does it. And keep in mind, her car is still parked right there on the street!
Hahaha I actually found a sentence I liked, but it came back to... well, I'll just share the section.
She stroked the fine golden fuzz between her thighs, where she was hot. And damp. Belinda yearned.
She yearned for cake.
I liked that "Belinda yearned." sentence -- nice and straightforward and simple.
As a side note, the writing is, um, not the worst I've ever read (though pretty darned bad and failing big time in logic issues). A couple pages in and there have been a few typing issues and incorrect words ("She decided that the thin cotton shirt cold probably go now.").
"Her soft, bouncy, luscious, loving, honey-colored breasts."
Let me tell you, Mr. or Mrs. Author, a "BBW's" breasts will not be bouncy. Also, everything in this town is honey-colored, as is her car.
Arg, page... what page, 30% in and the typing has gotten a lot worse. Too many or too few commas and really rough wording, it's hard to understand what she intends to say. However, as all the book thus far has been about sex, cake, and a "nearby buzzing", I don't fear the loss of the plot's thread.
Dammit, author, stop it! "She thought about how the plump, pliant, persistent bulb would feel delving down in her drenching lips." "...as she drowsily gave herself to the dreamy drifting deliveries of pleasure."
@R*(UR@!F "She found the perfect angle and the exact soft, slow, slippery, swelling stroke to send her senses soaring." "Expanding ecstatic elevation"
And now: Her chest was pounding now, and her thighs were tightening now and her buttocks were flexing now and a dam was creaking now and cracking and breaking to open wide and burst.
A massive, melodious song of a sigh, slipped from her throat and she gushed and squirted her juices all over the seat and she reddened as the waves of tingling, primal, chasmic, orgasmic tied burst through her.
And: "...and it was almost more than she could bear as she came again. And again. And AGAIN."
Belinda then wakes and looks around the town she drove into, finding it full of men "buzzing about" everywhere. Foreshadowing? Stay tuned and find out! There's still 55% of the book left to go!
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no subject
Date: 2014-05-13 06:37 am (UTC)We haven't even gotten to the bees yet (though SUBTLE foreshadowing there, with the honey-colored everything XD), and it's already deeply hilarrible XD
no subject
Date: 2014-05-13 01:26 pm (UTC)The rest is going to be so "good".
no subject
Date: 2014-05-13 08:19 am (UTC)You can be confident that this is about the point the author started writing with one hand.
no subject
Date: 2014-05-13 01:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-13 11:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-13 01:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-13 11:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 01:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 12:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 01:48 am (UTC)"...and it was almost more than she could bear as she came again. And again. And AGAIN. And AGAIN."
no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 01:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 02:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 02:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 08:48 pm (UTC)Next up: Those blinking blingee gifs!
no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 08:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 08:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 09:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 09:25 pm (UTC)Wildlife is getting more and more dangerous!
no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 09:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 09:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 09:35 pm (UTC)Or is it just the gift of orgasms?
no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 09:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 10:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 01:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 01:49 am (UTC):P
no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 02:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 03:33 am (UTC)And then wore them.no subject
Date: 2014-05-16 12:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-16 01:27 pm (UTC)