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thistlechaserTaken by Swarm - Seduced by WEREBEES (BBW paranormal shapeshifters erotic romance) by A M Ball
Rating: 1/hated (1-5/hated-loved)
Part one of this review is here.
The local diner is called "the Honeycomb". I'm more curious as to why the T in 'the' isn't capitalized than I am about what happens next. The floor is, of course, honey colored.
In the diner, all the men act oddly. They all keep their heads down, shoulders hunched, look away from her. She "gobbles" her pancakes down and all the men exit, leaving her alone there. Then one returns.
Big, lovely Belinda could feel the poor little man's practically unbearable nervousness, as he held the cookie towards her and waited for her reaction.
She accepts the cookie and eats it. The buzzing outside gets louder. (The buzzing has never stopped since she's arrived in town, but she's only once had a passing thought about it.)
More men came into the diner, all of them with wonderful delicacies.
Theworker bees oddly-acting townsfolk bring her more and more food, and she eats it all.
There are two whole pages dedicated to describing the food they bring. (The whole story is eleven pages long.) But oh ho ho, theworker bees oddly-acting townsfolk are doing more than just bringing her food:
Warm fillings spill onto her soft, rising breasts, and flows into the valley of her ample cleavage. Helpful fingers and hands scoop up the spills and bring them to her lips. She sucks and licks them off, more and more languidly.
*screech* Left turn: "As they feed her sweeter and sweeter delicacies, vague sexual fantasies form in her mind. She thinks of long eclairs being a cock. A fat, hard cock in cream, wrapped in choux pastry, dipped in chocolate. Chocolate, pastry and cream, sliding into her mouth, melting on her tongue to reveal a hot, throbbing masculine member made to fill, thrill and excite her." Funny, the thing that bothers me most about this is the lack of Oxford commas.
Every time sexytimes happen, the author vomits alliteration all over the page:
The large, round end of an eclair insinuates slyly and smoothly in between her lips. It pushes her mouth open wide to take it in, and turns to drip delicious, dark, melting chocolate onto her widening, wetting, waiting tongue.
And: "Her tongue slips around the substantial something, the hot hard, pulsing pride of prodigious, priapic pleasure."
Oh lord, how, um, sexy? "...with her own now welling, brining juices." Brining? Is she making vagina pickles?
"Her buzzing, excitable clitoris"
Just when you want the story to be clear(?), it makes the least sense. Out of no where, there are thousands of tiny hands touching her. Either the men entered the diner and turned into bees, or a swarm of bees entered. Either way, she should have noticed this! No mention was made of either, they're just all suddenly having sex with her. Are they still bee-sized? They seem to be full-sized men, but wouldn't this woman notice that they were all there?
There's one burying itself between her breasts, too. Now there's another, stroking her clit, while the first one, oh was it the second? Maybe the third. The one that's fucking her so lovely and gently. ... Oh now there's one slipping into her ass. Did she want that? Well, probably not, but it's surprisingly nice.
Surprise anal sex: "Surprisingly nice".
25% of the book left, and the sex just keeps going on and on. *yawn* She wishes a cock to be bigger, and behold the magic of werebee sex, it is.
The cum is wonderfully sweet, the sweetest cum she's ever enjoyed, and she's a girl who loves the taste of cum.
Oh ew. The werebees come "buckets, gallons" and she ends up in a pool of it "about six inches deep". Dear author, have you forgotten they're still in a diner? Did the werebee men fill up the entire place, kitchen and all, with six inches deep of it? Or did the werebee men bring one of those little plastic kiddy pools for her to sit in and you just didn't mention it?
Oh lord, and this typo is so fitting I wonder if she did it on purpose. The second typo: "She needs one more fuck. Right now. There's something important that she fells might not have bee accomplished."
The author uses comes and cums interchangeably. I wish she'd pick one and stick with it.
Oh what the fuck. Pages of fucking, a bunch of bee and "chocolate eclair cocks" still going at her. Then:
"Mmm," she announces sleepily,
"That's bingo, and a successful impregnation, boys. Well done all." and then she drifts away to sleep, knowing that the drones are out, finding food, looking after the boundaries of the territory, making repairs and improvements, all ready to start again when she wakes up.
SHE DIDN'T KNOW THEY WERE BEES. WHEN DID SHE/WE FIND THAT OUT? WAS THERE A MESSAGE IN THAT POOL OF MAGIC COME?
And we reach the end. Though hundreds, thousands?, of bees/werebees/men/whatever the hell fucked her, we get this:
Oh, but she realizes that one of the little drones didn't get to cum. Maybe next time.
As she drifted away to sleep, the buzzing outside became ecstatic.
The end. That's it. How did she miss one? And why? They responded to her every command, cocks growing bigger or smaller, coming at a single thought from her.
Blah, so annoying. This wasn't so bad it was funny, it was just plain bad and stupid. The idea could have worked, but mostly it was just an excuse for horribly written sex scenes and some kind of feeder kink. A waste of $3.
I totally want credit for "beestiality" if it somehow appears in her next book.
Rating: 1/hated (1-5/hated-loved)
Part one of this review is here.
The local diner is called "the Honeycomb". I'm more curious as to why the T in 'the' isn't capitalized than I am about what happens next. The floor is, of course, honey colored.
In the diner, all the men act oddly. They all keep their heads down, shoulders hunched, look away from her. She "gobbles" her pancakes down and all the men exit, leaving her alone there. Then one returns.
Big, lovely Belinda could feel the poor little man's practically unbearable nervousness, as he held the cookie towards her and waited for her reaction.
She accepts the cookie and eats it. The buzzing outside gets louder. (The buzzing has never stopped since she's arrived in town, but she's only once had a passing thought about it.)
More men came into the diner, all of them with wonderful delicacies.
The
There are two whole pages dedicated to describing the food they bring. (The whole story is eleven pages long.) But oh ho ho, the
Warm fillings spill onto her soft, rising breasts, and flows into the valley of her ample cleavage. Helpful fingers and hands scoop up the spills and bring them to her lips. She sucks and licks them off, more and more languidly.
*screech* Left turn: "As they feed her sweeter and sweeter delicacies, vague sexual fantasies form in her mind. She thinks of long eclairs being a cock. A fat, hard cock in cream, wrapped in choux pastry, dipped in chocolate. Chocolate, pastry and cream, sliding into her mouth, melting on her tongue to reveal a hot, throbbing masculine member made to fill, thrill and excite her." Funny, the thing that bothers me most about this is the lack of Oxford commas.
Every time sexytimes happen, the author vomits alliteration all over the page:
The large, round end of an eclair insinuates slyly and smoothly in between her lips. It pushes her mouth open wide to take it in, and turns to drip delicious, dark, melting chocolate onto her widening, wetting, waiting tongue.
And: "Her tongue slips around the substantial something, the hot hard, pulsing pride of prodigious, priapic pleasure."
Oh lord, how, um, sexy? "...with her own now welling, brining juices." Brining? Is she making vagina pickles?
"Her buzzing, excitable clitoris"
Just when you want the story to be clear(?), it makes the least sense. Out of no where, there are thousands of tiny hands touching her. Either the men entered the diner and turned into bees, or a swarm of bees entered. Either way, she should have noticed this! No mention was made of either, they're just all suddenly having sex with her. Are they still bee-sized? They seem to be full-sized men, but wouldn't this woman notice that they were all there?
There's one burying itself between her breasts, too. Now there's another, stroking her clit, while the first one, oh was it the second? Maybe the third. The one that's fucking her so lovely and gently. ... Oh now there's one slipping into her ass. Did she want that? Well, probably not, but it's surprisingly nice.
Surprise anal sex: "Surprisingly nice".
25% of the book left, and the sex just keeps going on and on. *yawn* She wishes a cock to be bigger, and behold the magic of werebee sex, it is.
The cum is wonderfully sweet, the sweetest cum she's ever enjoyed, and she's a girl who loves the taste of cum.
Oh ew. The werebees come "buckets, gallons" and she ends up in a pool of it "about six inches deep". Dear author, have you forgotten they're still in a diner? Did the werebee men fill up the entire place, kitchen and all, with six inches deep of it? Or did the werebee men bring one of those little plastic kiddy pools for her to sit in and you just didn't mention it?
Oh lord, and this typo is so fitting I wonder if she did it on purpose. The second typo: "She needs one more fuck. Right now. There's something important that she fells might not have bee accomplished."
The author uses comes and cums interchangeably. I wish she'd pick one and stick with it.
Oh what the fuck. Pages of fucking, a bunch of bee and "chocolate eclair cocks" still going at her. Then:
"Mmm," she announces sleepily,
"That's bingo, and a successful impregnation, boys. Well done all." and then she drifts away to sleep, knowing that the drones are out, finding food, looking after the boundaries of the territory, making repairs and improvements, all ready to start again when she wakes up.
SHE DIDN'T KNOW THEY WERE BEES. WHEN DID SHE/WE FIND THAT OUT? WAS THERE A MESSAGE IN THAT POOL OF MAGIC COME?
And we reach the end. Though hundreds, thousands?, of bees/werebees/men/whatever the hell fucked her, we get this:
Oh, but she realizes that one of the little drones didn't get to cum. Maybe next time.
As she drifted away to sleep, the buzzing outside became ecstatic.
The end. That's it. How did she miss one? And why? They responded to her every command, cocks growing bigger or smaller, coming at a single thought from her.
Blah, so annoying. This wasn't so bad it was funny, it was just plain bad and stupid. The idea could have worked, but mostly it was just an excuse for horribly written sex scenes and some kind of feeder kink. A waste of $3.
I totally want credit for "beestiality" if it somehow appears in her next book.
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no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 05:30 am (UTC)And, huh. I guess feeder kink sort of makes sense with werebees, inasmuch as anything about werebees makes sense, but I had not expected that. OK then...
Are they still bee-sized? They seem to be full-sized men, but wouldn't this woman notice that they were all there?
This is rather critical information! XD (Maybe the author couldn't make up her mind?)
The sad thing is, this totally should've been so-bad-it's-good with a premise like that, but what are the odds of there being another, entertaining werebees erotica out there?
no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 02:12 pm (UTC)It really should have been so-bad-it's-good. I'm very disappointed in this book! Worse, it's cooled me on the idea of reading the other were-animal ones (though I might read one, just to give some other author a chance).
no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 05:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 02:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 01:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 02:10 pm (UTC)I'm thinking about changing my LJ's name to "pulsing pride of prodigious, priapic pleasure" :P
no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 02:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 02:53 pm (UTC)6 inches deep? Gods, a mop falls drastically short.
Of all creatures to have fantasies about, bees are tough. Bee sex is explosive - the drone phallus explodes. They die afterwards.
Also: so all that is ever seen of the town is Males? All Drones? Worker bees are all female. Seems like it would've kept with the theme better if Queen was fed by androgynous females (yikes, hipster werebees?) during the whole mess.
All in all - just wow. I hope you have something pleasant to read after all that. I hear a new Discworld novel just came out.
no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 04:30 pm (UTC)Hahah. THANK YOU. Of all the terribad things Thistle mentioned, this actually bugged me the most. :P
/scientist
no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 09:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 09:22 pm (UTC)You and the author both. :o)
no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 09:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 09:15 pm (UTC)6 inches deep? Gods, a mop falls drastically short.
Wetvac time!
Ahahahaha I hadn't known the worker bees were all female! That makes this even worse.
I'm currently reading a short story collection (The Very Best of Tad Williams) for review. The first story isn't working for me, but isn't awful. I have higher hopes for the rest of them.
no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 05:31 pm (UTC)Maybe I ought to lower my standards, adopt a pseudonym, and write bad, alliterative porn.
I think I'd rather pull weeds.
Really, this was worse than a lot of the fanfic I used to have to screen for FictionAlley, and people paid for it.
no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 09:18 pm (UTC)It only had two reviews on Amazon, so I can at least hope that not too many people bought it.
no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 07:08 pm (UTC)I'm confused by your scale, though. Is 5 hated or loved? Shouldn't it be 1?
no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 09:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-15 03:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-15 03:50 am (UTC)When I do my end of the year megapost roundup, I'm going to have to check each one to see if I got any others backwards.
no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 07:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 09:22 pm (UTC)