I think there's something wrong with my brain

[thistlechaser]

It's been a week since I last made a post. Sort of. I've written a few and then made them private because they were too depressing. I really don't want my LJ to be just blah blah blah sad bad sad stuff blah.

Then I discovered that, again, for the second time, I've stressed myself out, spent a whole day crying, for a totally inaccurate reason.

The last post that I didn't post started with "There are many things that I dislike about my life right now, but a big one is that I'm so focused on my weight." What's worse than that? Being so focused on my weight and being wrong.

See, I had six days with no weight loss. Today would be #7, but I lost less than a pound, so. How could I lose no weight? I'm eating about 600 calories a day (I know that's low, but I really can't physically eat more; 400 is from protein shakes, and the rest is from 6-8 tablespoons of food). I spent most of Thursday crying because life is miserable when you can't eat and I wasn't even losing weight!

Tomorrow I'm going to the nutritionist, so I did the math so I'd have exact figures and be able to tell her "It's been a month since my surgery, why have I lost less than ten pounds?!" But know what? It's been 27 days and I've lost 30 pounds. I was stressing, I spent all day Thursday crying, for nothing.

Know what makes this worse? I did the exact same thing a week ago! I was CERTAIN I wasn't losing any weight, but when I checked my notes and did the math, it worked out to a pound a day.

Maybe lack of nutrition is stopping my brain function or something. I was absolutely certain I've only lost less than ten pounds. Both times!

It's a darned good thing I weigh myself daily and write it down every time.

Though, body? Let's not do another week with zero weight loss. I don't think I can take the stress of it.

I really hope my brain starts working again soon. I need it.

Comments

[changeling72.livejournal.com]

Remember to go back to your notes!

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

I need to tattoo that onto my forehead!

[mayanas.livejournal.com]

I am sorry you've been feeling so crappy. It is a good thing that you do keep notes so the facts can tell you what's true when your mind seem reluctant to work it out correctly.

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I found myself doing the same thing this morning, which makes me want to pull my hair out. It's now eight days without losing a pound, which makes me want to jump out of a window, but I'm still at 30 pounds lost in less than 30 days, so stop stressing, brain! Arg!

[indigo-forest.livejournal.com]

Take vitamins! It's a necessity after bariatric surgery.

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

For sure! I have special ones I take twice a day (and calcium chews twice more).

[ashmedai.livejournal.com]

Hang in there! *hugs*

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

Trying. Thanks! :)

[gaudy-flowers.livejournal.com]

Hopefully when you see your nutritionist they will have some incite on the lack of weight loss thing.

To quote Finding Nemo, just keep swimming. I've only seen things about weight loss surgery on TV but it seems like it's a bit of a long road, the surgery only the beginning. <3

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

Yep, you're totally right. It's a lifetime thing! (Why do quick fixes not exist yet? :P )

[voidmagus.livejournal.com]

Never ever judge weight loss on a day to day basis. Weigh yourself, write down the number, and don't think on it again. Only allow yourself to look at the numbers on a weekly or (even better) longer basis. The human body is bizarre. This is a 100% true test I've performed. Weigh myself before going to bed. Consume no fluids, no food, nothing. Get up in the morning, urinate, weigh again. I seriously gained 6 lbs while I slept. Weigh again. Weigh again.

I have a good scale. I can weigh myself multiple times and take the average. It doesn't change that sometimes, that shit happens. Under normal circumstances, weighing myself at the same time every day (morning, after urination before anything else), my weight can fluctuate up to 9 lbs day-to-day. Great when it drops from 190 to 181. Not great when it reverses.

So seriously - from personal experience - caring about the day-to-day numbers will drive you insane.

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

I've done that same test and had the same thing happen! How in the world does that work? It's like outside of science or something. Heck with science, it's outside of reality! How can something be made out of nothing? It was three pounds instead of six for me, but still! Something from nothing!

You're right though. I should stop caring, but it's so hard to. I've put so much effort into this to get to this point, I expect a daily reward.

[wow-hazmat.livejournal.com]

That's why when someone starts ranting about CALORIES IN CALORIES BURNED like losing weight is so freaking easy, I roll my eyes.

The human body is a weird and complex system of organs.

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

Yep, you said it, "weird" is right.

[tersa.livejournal.com]

Lack to nutrition will absolutely fuck with your brain. I hope your talk with your nutritionist is productive. *hug*

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

Speaking of, it's Monday, I have to remember to take my B vitamins. (Once a week pills are a bitch and a half to remember.) Lack of B will harm your brain functions, but I haven't missed one yet.

The brain is such a calorie-hungry organ, it wouldn't surprise me if mine were currently working differently under this lack of calories. Hopefully things will become more stable soon.

Thanks!

[kamalloy.livejournal.com]

I'd mention how you've been feeling when you talk to your nutritionist. They've probably seen this before with other patients and may be able to make some recommendations for you.

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I don't think I could be unique at all. I have so many reasons to be sad right now (how about mourning the loss of my previous life, just to start?). It's kind of hard sometimes though, the nutritionist and the surgeon's office are just so BUBBLY POSITIVE about everything, it's like they don't think there are any negatives at all.

Oh well! For whatever reason, I'm feeling better this morning, so that's good.

[kamalloy.livejournal.com]

It's okay not to be positive about things, and I think you should say that to them. And if you want to talk more about recovery, I can pass questions along to my husband (grysar) who's been through several major surgeries, several of them digestive-related. It's not quite the same as yours, but he went through some interesting times.

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I'll see how it goes today, and let you know if I have any questions to pass along. ♥

Ha! I learned how to make that heart in FFXIV (alt + 3 on the number pad) and it works elsewhere, too. Handy! I guess it's ascii code, not something FFXIV-related. ♦♣♠•◘○ Look at me go! :P

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're documenting to keep track of it. I'm sure it can be difficult to keep track of it while in the middle of recovery and learning new habits and all.
Hope things pick up for you!

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

Exactly, documenting it saves me so many times.

Thanks!

[spike7451.livejournal.com]

Remember to keep looking at those notes so you don't get yourself so upset and stressed again.

*hugs*

Hope it all goes well with the nutritionist.

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the reminder, that's exactly what I have to do!