How to be happy

[thistlechaser]

This morning two unrelated events touched upon the same subject in an interesting way.

In IM, I was speaking to someone I play an online game with.

Me: [Turning down an offer to do something I hadn't wanted to do anyway.] And sadly, I'm behind on PVP for the week because of work yesterday. :/
Him: God you remind me of some else I know that has to get certain things done before anything else. I can't stand playing mmos that way
Me: Well, for me it's more about setting goals -- what's the most important thing in game to do? Then you put your time towards that.
Me: My main goal right now is PVP max rank, that means I need to get the challenge log done for the PVP XP bonus. That means three first place wins, which means, since I'm Gridania, could take 30+ matches to get 3 wins...
Him: Again, looking at it that way makes it feel like a job to me. I wouldn't enjoy the game anymore if I played like that

While the way I play MMOs does sometimes feel like a job, for me I enjoy that. To me, accomplishing things makes me happy. Leveling, making money in games, finishing a task at my RL job -- those make me happy.

After having that conversation, I read my friends list and came to this post from from Humans of New York:


“I spent about ten years as a music agent. Along the way, I became very interested in how my clients handled success. Some of them were tremendously successful but quite unhappy. Others seemed quite content with their success. The subject interested me so much that I went back to school to study the science of happiness, and now I teach the subject at NYU. Happiness doesn’t necessarily mean you have a smile on your face. It’s more of a mixing board with several different dials: positive emotion, engagement, relationships, meaning, and achievement. Everyone’s mixing board is set differently. There’s no one way to be happy and there’s no wrong way to be happy. I may draw my happiness from relationships, while somebody else may need to be constantly engaged in the pursuit of a goal.”

I really like that way of looking at it: Happiness is like a mixing board with several different dials. My mix of settings might make someone else miserable, but it works for me. Someone else's settings might not.

Sometimes it surprises me the strength of the satisfaction I get from achievement -- even simple things like getting my laundry sorted or cleaning up a pile of clutter can make me very happy. Anything that makes me feel efficient, productive, or useful -- in game or out, both have the same level of happiness generation.

Comments

[twissie.livejournal.com]

Fascinating! I also find comfort, and happiness, I guess, in accomplishing simple tasks and achieving goals. But I rarely set goals for myself, mostly because I like the illusion of freedom (or something like that). I like being told what to do and feeling productive while helping others.

Though it's interesting to contrast this RL behaviour with in-game behaviour. I've never really connected the two. I don't play MMORPGs, mostly because I can't stand not having a set goal or a clear end in sight. Open world/sandbox games like GTA are the same. It's kind of weird now that I think about it. Judging by my RL preferences, MMORPGs should be my favourite genre.

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

A lot of people don't like linear games, but I do -- I like having a "right" way to play and being guided through it. So an MMO shouldn't work for me... yet they do. So I know where you're coming from with that.

[quistie.livejournal.com]

There are definitely a "right" way and a "wrong" way of playing MMOs, though. Not just in terms of gear choices/gameplay mechanics, but in terms of how to interact with others. Shouting in all caps, for instance, probably won't get you very far in an MMO.

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

Oh true! It's like dealing with people anywhere, online or off.

[ani-mama.livejournal.com]

It is good to know what makes you happy!

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

For sure! It's the first step towards being happy. :)

[teaandfailure.livejournal.com]

One of the hardest lessons for me to learn was that what makes me happy doesn't necessarily make other people happy, and not to judge based on what makes me happy. I think we all do that a little - we see someone in a situation that would make us miserable, and we assume they must be miserable, when they might be very happy!

For me, it's hard to imagine people who live in a huge household with no room of their own being happy - having to share not just a house, but a ROOM? GET OUT THAT IS AWFUL! And yet some people love it, and would be afraid and anxious alone in a room (or house). This is also how I finally realized why my mom will not leave me alone about when are you getting married when are you getting married when are you getting married is it now is it now is it RIGHT NOW, it's because she has had so much joy and enjoyment from marriage, and in her head EVERY DAY I AM NOT DOING IT I am completely missing out, and she cannot conceive of a world without my dad, and so CLEARLY I MUST BE MISERABLE OH GOD HER ONLY DAUGHTER IS MISERABLE SHE IS A HORRIBLE MOTHER WHAT CAN SHE DO TO FIX IT?

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

I've really gotten lucky with my mother, she says she's accepted the fact that I'll always be alone and happy. It probably helps that my sister is married (twice now) with two kids and two step-kids. I think you're right though, I think it's your mother projecting what she would be feeling in your situation. BUT KNOW THAT I'M TOTALLY WITH YOU! I'd be ripping my hair out without space of my own! Sometimes I think even a dog would be too much company -- they demand too much attention. I haven't seen Ellie in three or so hours now, she's asleep in the closet. It's enough company just knowing she's around.

[quistie.livejournal.com]

I would think completing goals generates a bit of happiness for most people. There is a reason why badges/achievements/trophies are so prevalent in games. My activity tracker is also goal-based. Yes, in some ways it can be draining to be constantly in pursuit of goals, but it's also really satisfying when you can say to yourself "Hey, I managed to meet my fitness goal for 23 straight days now!" at the end of the day.

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

Good point about the badges/achievements part. (Ironically, I generally couldn't care less about achievements in games, unless they come with a title I'd want to use.)

I've heard good things about fitness goal-based trackers and websites. I signed up for one once, but it was too easy to just not log in, and that fell by the wayside. :P

[quistie.livejournal.com]

I have an activity tracker and I do recommend it. Mine just syncs to my phone. While there are social aspects to it (like you can link it to Facebook, I think), I don't really pay attention to it.

[changeling72.livejournal.com]

As long as you're doing what makes you happy and you're not intentionally hurting anyone else, that's all that matters.

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

Fully agreed!