Feelings and Attachments
Oct. 8th, 2002 10:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thistlechaserMy third post in like two hours, thankfully uncommon.
I need to get this out, it's been in me all day (week, weeks). It's longish, so I stuck it behind a cut.
I GM more than I RP. I mostly don't mind this. I get to play lots of characters (NPCs) and usually do new stuff. For the last... six months (very rough estimate, probably longer than that) I've been running a SA (Story Arc -- long-term TP) for someone. In it were a central bunch of NPCs. I got attached to a couple of them. One of the main ones, Tommy, was a teen with a bad past. No family to speak of, used and abused by his "friends" but going along with them anyway because it was his best option in life. He was a bad guy, he'd have taken advantage of others if he was ever in position to, but he was the bottom dog and had no power at all.
So the SA wrapped up and the NPCs' stories ended (a number were killed, some joined the Rockets, etc). The character I was running this for brought Tommy into the Rockets, because it was Tommy's only chance at any kind of a future. Tommy was too damaged in too many ways, and wasn't working out as a Rocket, so needed to be killed. (NPC deaths =/= PC deaths, they're no biggie.) I feel like crap over this. He's not even a PC, and I feel guilty as hell. ICly the kid had no chance from the time he was born. He didn't have what it took to be a Rocket (there's more to the story than that, but we'll keep it short and simple). He's not even real, but I feel like crap over having to kill him off.
I feel even worse because his IC death isn't even "fair" to him; not that Tommy's being killed, that needs to happen, but that the character I was GMing for, the one who brought Tommy to the Rockets, who tortured him physically, mentally, and emotionally, who literally broke his spirit (on purpose), isn't even going to say goodbye to him before he's killed.
Now I know the PC couldn't just walk up to Tommy and say "Hey, I hear you're being killed tomorrow! Nice knowing you!", but he could touch base with him. An apology would likely be out of character, but a smile wouldn't. A pat on the shoulder. A hug. Someone might give a dog a pat before shooting it in the back of the head, right? No matter how much of a bad guy someone is ICly, seems like that's the least that could be done to another (ICly) living human being. (And no, I'm not telling you how to play your character -- you know who you are -- this is just how I feel about the situation.)
This IC kid had no chance in life, and now he's being killed. He came into the world without love or kindness, and he's going out the same way.
That fucking sucks, even if you're only a NPC.
I need to get this out, it's been in me all day (week, weeks). It's longish, so I stuck it behind a cut.
I GM more than I RP. I mostly don't mind this. I get to play lots of characters (NPCs) and usually do new stuff. For the last... six months (very rough estimate, probably longer than that) I've been running a SA (Story Arc -- long-term TP) for someone. In it were a central bunch of NPCs. I got attached to a couple of them. One of the main ones, Tommy, was a teen with a bad past. No family to speak of, used and abused by his "friends" but going along with them anyway because it was his best option in life. He was a bad guy, he'd have taken advantage of others if he was ever in position to, but he was the bottom dog and had no power at all.
So the SA wrapped up and the NPCs' stories ended (a number were killed, some joined the Rockets, etc). The character I was running this for brought Tommy into the Rockets, because it was Tommy's only chance at any kind of a future. Tommy was too damaged in too many ways, and wasn't working out as a Rocket, so needed to be killed. (NPC deaths =/= PC deaths, they're no biggie.) I feel like crap over this. He's not even a PC, and I feel guilty as hell. ICly the kid had no chance from the time he was born. He didn't have what it took to be a Rocket (there's more to the story than that, but we'll keep it short and simple). He's not even real, but I feel like crap over having to kill him off.
I feel even worse because his IC death isn't even "fair" to him; not that Tommy's being killed, that needs to happen, but that the character I was GMing for, the one who brought Tommy to the Rockets, who tortured him physically, mentally, and emotionally, who literally broke his spirit (on purpose), isn't even going to say goodbye to him before he's killed.
Now I know the PC couldn't just walk up to Tommy and say "Hey, I hear you're being killed tomorrow! Nice knowing you!", but he could touch base with him. An apology would likely be out of character, but a smile wouldn't. A pat on the shoulder. A hug. Someone might give a dog a pat before shooting it in the back of the head, right? No matter how much of a bad guy someone is ICly, seems like that's the least that could be done to another (ICly) living human being. (And no, I'm not telling you how to play your character -- you know who you are -- this is just how I feel about the situation.)
This IC kid had no chance in life, and now he's being killed. He came into the world without love or kindness, and he's going out the same way.
That fucking sucks, even if you're only a NPC.
