An apology and a window (FFXI then RL)
Nov. 30th, 2004 08:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thistlechaserFirst off, many apologies to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
gbeans! I'm so so so so sorry for missing Eco tonight! Work was just horrible and I was stressed and I totally forgot what day it was! I had been looking forward to going, too.
For the first time in, well, ever, I'm trying for some balance in my life. A little of everything, but not spending all my free time on one thing. I'm at least checking into FFXI once a day (and staying longer if the mood strikes me or I can find something to do), I'm reading some logs, watching some TV, and RPing (usually, or so it's planned).
I didn't RP tonight on the new MUSH, and I'm trying to fight off feelings of guilt about that. But it's not a job or a requirement to RP (or to FFXI or watch TV or anything)! But I semi-want to RP, but it's hard finding it on a new place, but I didn't try very hard, but but but. :p Maybe tomorrow work will be better and I can RP.
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It's sort of odd what logs catch. When I was RPing Sly, I logged basically everything from his world (because basically everything was IC/RP). One of the few times we weren't RPing was the morning of 9/11. It's very odd and more than disturbing to read what I thought and how I reacted then. I suppose I was probably scared that morning, but I hope it was more than that. I hope I've grown in the years since then. (I had voiced that "bombing innocents" would be okay, if that's what it took to "Let the world see you don't take stuff like this". ) Gah, gah, gah. Horrible. (I suppose maybe I have changed since then, what with stopping eating meat and not even killing spiders and such...) Maybe it's unfair to try to judge that morning now, but... but... I don't like to believe there's any reason (other than immediate personal defense) that would make me approve of hurting another person... I hope I've grown and changed since then, and that if something of that level happened again that I wouldn't react in the same way as I did that morning. I don't know though...
gbeans! I'm so so so so sorry for missing Eco tonight! Work was just horrible and I was stressed and I totally forgot what day it was! I had been looking forward to going, too. For the first time in, well, ever, I'm trying for some balance in my life. A little of everything, but not spending all my free time on one thing. I'm at least checking into FFXI once a day (and staying longer if the mood strikes me or I can find something to do), I'm reading some logs, watching some TV, and RPing (usually, or so it's planned).
I didn't RP tonight on the new MUSH, and I'm trying to fight off feelings of guilt about that. But it's not a job or a requirement to RP (or to FFXI or watch TV or anything)! But I semi-want to RP, but it's hard finding it on a new place, but I didn't try very hard, but but but. :p Maybe tomorrow work will be better and I can RP.
---
It's sort of odd what logs catch. When I was RPing Sly, I logged basically everything from his world (because basically everything was IC/RP). One of the few times we weren't RPing was the morning of 9/11. It's very odd and more than disturbing to read what I thought and how I reacted then. I suppose I was probably scared that morning, but I hope it was more than that. I hope I've grown in the years since then. (I had voiced that "bombing innocents" would be okay, if that's what it took to "Let the world see you don't take stuff like this". ) Gah, gah, gah. Horrible. (I suppose maybe I have changed since then, what with stopping eating meat and not even killing spiders and such...) Maybe it's unfair to try to judge that morning now, but... but... I don't like to believe there's any reason (other than immediate personal defense) that would make me approve of hurting another person... I hope I've grown and changed since then, and that if something of that level happened again that I wouldn't react in the same way as I did that morning. I don't know though...
