"You know, it's very hard to picture hyena sex when your mother keeps IMing you."

[thistlechaser]

I was mostly intending to drop out of theatrical_muse, but how could I resist writing about Ed losing his virginity? I think I deserve extra points that I got this accomplished while my mother was talking to me on IM...



Hoohoohoo! No one knows about her but me. I wait 'till no one's looking, then sneak off to see her. I like to bring her things! Good things! Heehee, meat or bones or ears or insides. Mmmm! She doesn't demand things or snap at me to make me drop them, but I love her so I bring 'em and give 'em right to her!

She doesn't talk much, or (heheheee) laugh at all, but that's okay! Hee, I can laugh for both of us! When I go to see her in the daytime, she's all warm from being in the sun, but at night she's cool and shadowy! Sometimes I can't find her right away, but if I use my nose I can! Heehee, she smells like me!

Sometimes there're bugs crawin' out of her hole, but they don't bother me! Usually they get all smushed up from me... you know. Heeheehee! Then after we're done, I lick them all out and eat them up!

Only bad part is when I get splinters. Ow ow ow! Bark in my fur I can pick out, but splinters hurt!


I'm not sure if I amused or squicked myself more...

Comments

[lunarennui.livejournal.com]

i find i've got the same combination of uncertainty whether i'm more amused or squicked. or touched, that's in there too.

*salutes you*

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

Hee, thanks!

[lunarennui.livejournal.com]

hey, if anyone could have acceptable necrophilic sex, it would be an insane hyena.

(though i've read several other necrophilia!fics and liked them too. this one's unusual in that the main character doesn't have a qualm.)

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

Well... it was sort of necrophilia. Dead wood? :) I pictured an Ed/dead log sort of thing.

[harrellj.livejournal.com]

At first, I was faintly disturbed because when I saw Ed (and didn't look at the icon), I was thinking FMA Ed (the whole fur thing I didn't know what was going on). Then, I read the comments and was still slightly disturbed until I looked up and saw the icon, that fixed it :) Interesting fic. I think reading this at 3am was a bad idea ;-)

[quasilemur.livejournal.com]

I was thinking along the whole necro-line, as well, and was nothing but amused. But dendrophilia? That's just sick! :)

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

A lot of folks had thought necro, yeah. I blinked at that at first, but then they pointed stuff out (quiet, cool at night/warm in the daytime, etc), and then I understood. (Since I knew where I was going with this, I only saw it as wood all along.)

Now I almost wish I had gone with that dead-animal idea...

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

Hee! FMA Ed in this would be.... arg, my brain hurts. But man, that'd be funny.

[nopejr.livejournal.com]

Heh. I too was all "dead animal, dead animal, no, wait... it's a tree!", which, hahahahaha, cool.

Are you gonna go back and do the other challenges? 'cause I've been looking around theatrical_muse and a fair few people have been writing third person, so I figure you can just ignore the rules.

And, have you seen their Pettigrew?

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked it! No, I don't have any plans to go back and do the other challenges. I really don't like how the group is run (zero enforcement of rules -- they claim it's impossible to enforce any rules they make!), and I was mostly intending to quit.

Yeah! I met their Pettigrew early on. The person behind him seemed cool.

... Huh.

[peppygrowlithe.livejournal.com]

One thing rings in my head: the bad app about the kid whose description involved him describing himself as the product of his mother "having sex with a tree".

Oh! By the way, I'm traumatized by your dead-tree-with-bugs-crawling-out-of-it sex fic. Very traumatized. But amused as well.

Re: ... Huh.

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

*laughs* I remember that app (unfortunately).

Glad I was able to traumatize! ;)

[lunarennui.livejournal.com]

ha! i so did not catch the dead log bit. i figured it was just that what's her name's carcass was rotting into some sticks...

i suck.

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

Nah! Other people were thinking dead animals, too. No worries! :)