Iron Man XXX, The Avengers XXX

[thistlechaser]

I'm sorry to report that there will be no amusing review post of those two movies. They were both darned bad, and not even bad in the amusing way. A minute or two of movie plot reenactment with generally HORRIBLE costumes (CARDBOARD IRON MAN SUIT) and bad acting, then literally a half hour of god-awful porn sex.

I know it's somewhat of a gender difference, but wow. Is porn so unsexy. I actually felt embarrassed for the actors. The dialogue was just so bad. The positions were silly. And I swear, some positions were held so long the actors must have been getting bored. (Though I did have to admire how flexible some of the women were.)

Avengers was better than Iron Man (though still bad). I liked the Hawkeye/Natasha scene, only because I was seeing it through fanfic eyes.

After the first sex scene of Iron Man, I started fast forwarded through the rest of them. I finished the both movies total in less than 40 minutes that way (30 minutes first sex scene, 10 for all the "plot" in two movies plus the time it took me to virus scan both movies, start one after the other ended, and the fast forwarding). I deleted both without a second thought.

Comments

[resonant.livejournal.com]

Awwww ... I was hoping they'd be good (not that straight porn interests me, but as I thought they'd be fun parodies).

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid not. There was very little to it other than straight porn. :/

I really can't believe how boring it was. The first sex scene was about a half-hour. Oral for maybe 10 minutes, vaginal sex for about 5, then 15 minutes of anal. (I'm guessing the longer time for anal was so they could get shots of her spread open with fingers while being fucked.) And with no good parody/story around it for entertainment... A waste of time.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

The porn parts were pretty meh, weren't they? (Though the consensus is that, yeah, the Hawkeye/Natasha is kinda adorable all the same.) I was hopeful for the Thor/She-Hulk and then, yeah, twenty minutes of close-ups of things that really didn't interest me.

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I had hope for Thor/She-Hulk as well, but by the time they got to it, I had had enough of the whole thing. I kept thinking about how good it could have been if it were done well! Tony in the cave could have lead to BDSM or noncon stuff, and I got annoyed when they turned the doctor into a woman! They should have let fanfic writers write it.

I was surprised how much I liked the Hawkeye/Natasha part (the start of it, once it got into sex I fast forwarded it again). It really was cute. They got the core of his character right.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

And once the Hawkeye actor got rid of that cowl he was really cute!

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

I might have to fish the file out of the trash, I don't think I was looking at it when he look it off! *digs it out, rewatches* You know, it's odd, but they really seem to have a connection in the scene. They seem to care for each other. Haha, then it gets into the porn slurpy blowjob. Up until that point, it was so sweet. The music helps, but I think she's a better actress than the others.

I had to fast forward through the middle, but that was the best scene in both movies for sure. (And he is cute when maskless!)

[changeling72.livejournal.com]

Most of these movies rely on CGI, don't they? Who needs plot when you have CGI..?

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

There was a VERY LITTLE bit of CGI. For some reason, Iron Man's blasters shot fire. o.O That was done in very bad CGI.