Silly character, keep your own guilt! (RP, WoW)

More RP tonight, woot! But instead of leaving me bouncy, it has me all rrrrr. I hate it when *I* react to things more OOCly than the character does ICly. Thistle killed a puppy tonight, he thought he was doing it under orders. He was "wrong", he got punished, and in his mind that's that. (OOCly I'm not sure I agree he was in the wrong, but it doesn't matter, the character giving the order said he was and he accepted that.) OOC me is all I'M AN IDIOT I'M STUPID I DID SOMETHING WRONG EVERYONE IS GOING TO HATE ME NOW I CAN DO NOTHING RIGHT -- my usual reaction to making a mistake, all-caps optional. It's a bad reaction to RL mistakes, and it's just plain silly to feel that way about an IC one!

Anyway, it was totally outstanding RP. Another five hour stretch of it, which is wonderful except one thing... I need some time to cook! I've been eating a skinless, boneless chicken breast for dinner for, what, two weeks now? Almost three? But I keep making it the same exact way, which is starting to become boring. I have other ways I can try it, but I need time! So last night and tonight I are it the same way, but didn't even finish it because it was so boring. (And now I'm STARVING!)

Man, I'm typing in all caps a lot tonight.

Deathwing visited us in the middle of the scene, which was extra-amusing. Also, it was the second to last alt I needed the achievement on! Only little Clover still needs it.

Rrr, I had something else to write about it, but can't remember now. Oh well! <3 all!

Edit: Oh! The other thing. It drives me crazy that I don't know what's "right" when someone uses an in-game attack ICly. How long should it last? What exactly should one feel? Should it be enough to knock the person off their feet? Knock them out? If I don't know what's right, what if I'm wrong?! Part of me knows that there is no "right", but what if the majority of people handle X attack in Y way, but I don't know that? (I worry way too much about these things, but I don't want to do things wrong!)

Oh Ellie New Cat...

Two steps forward, one step back.

In some ways, she's improving. She'll now usually reluctantly sit on my chest for a while (with me rocked back). Sometimes only for moments, sometimes for minutes. She follows me from room to room, waiting outside of the bathroom if I close the door.

Tonight she nearly bit me. I boggled at what set her off: One hand already patting her, I reached with the other to pat more. It was the old 'oh my god! two hands! you're going to GRAB me!' reaction. I haven't seen that in weeks. I kept my hand in place, the other one still patting her, and she wigged out. Her head lashed forward at my arm, stopping just short of making contact. Closer than she's ever before come to biting me. (I could have pulled my second hand all the way away when she got scared, but I worry about reinforcing bad behavior -- "if I act this way, I'll get the results I want". I don't know if that's a valid worry towards a fear response, maybe not.)

If she ever does bite me, I don't know what I'll do. Especially if it's a serious bite. She is still making progress, but I don't know if I could keep a cat that bites. I know she's doing it out of fear, and I suppose that does make a difference, but...

I learned the other night that she seems to be sleeping with me at night. I got up in the middle of the night and she was on my bed. I think she's coming up after I fall asleep and leaving before I wake up.

The other day I realized I had stopped working on getting her used to being picked up. (Not a big picking up, just lifting her paws off the floor and then putting her back down.) She just reacts so badly to it.

Bah. I know it's not fair to her, but sometimes I wish so much for a "normal" cat.

Rereading this post makes me feel so bad for her. It's clear that she wants love, but she's so afraid. I just have to keep being patient...