I'm an atheist... and apparently a Muslim!

[thistlechaser]

Link from gconnor: The hundred "greatest" quotes found on Creationist/Fundamentalist chatboards. I'm only up to #5 and I'm laughing out loud!

The very first quote was the source of the subject line:
No, everyone is born Christian. Only later in life do people choose to stray from Jesus and worship satan instead. Atheists have the greatest "cover" of all, they insist they believe in no god yet most polls done and the latest research indicates that they are actually a different sect of Muslims.
*rolls!* Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, over. I'm having to struggle not to laugh even rereading that.

The fifth one is killing me and it's the reason I'm posting before reading the other 95. (Will I be able to read 95 more of these? Without dying of laughter?)

This is what it would be like, if the majority of people were athiests.
(Kid comes home, tells his mother he's going to "fuck a hooker" and then go do some drugs. Mother is all "Oh, okay! Don't be late getting home!" Father arrives home...)
ATHIEST MOM: Oh, and don't go in the bedroom.
ATHIEST DAD: Why not?
ATHIEST MOM: There are two gay men fucking eachother in there.
ATHIEST DAD: Why are they here?
ATHIEST MOM: I wanted to watch them do it for awhile. They just aren't finished yet.
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, that's fine with me!

Yay for being an atheist! I can get live porn (in my bedroom!) whenever I like! ...I just hope they clean up after themselves.

Edit: Oh god, I can't do it, I can't read more of these because I'm going to laugh out loud at work:

I can sum it all up in three words: Evolution is a lie

Comments

[voidmagus.livejournal.com]

Man evolved from apes. Some of us are further along than others, I'd say.

While it'd be quite a stretch to call myself a Christian, I do think my beliefs fall under the theistic side of theology/theosophy. I have to admit though, these people scare me. I dated a girl for a few years who believed that kinda stuff, and argued with me constantly about cosmology, the problem of evil, and various other religion-based topics. What can I say, I was 17, and she was a cheerleader and choir-girl. The heathen in me couldn't resist.

Funny thing happened over the ensuing few years though...As she argued with me, she got smarter. As she started learning that all the arguments had happened before, many with actual logical conclusions (once she learned enough logic to understand it), she believed less and less of that nonsense. Still a Christian, but with *gasp* rationale! She came to accept evolution as a legitimate scientific theory, and much of the corollary works related to it. Never stopped going to church, though. (sadly, she hit 20 and started a fast downward spiral due to hereditary mental illness).

Point is, these people CAN learn. Isolated as they are, they suffer from severe intellectual inbreeding. The only people they have to bounce ideas off are OTHER crazies. Mental incest. The result is raving lunatics. If you take them out of their little corner, they can be taught to actually THINK instead of regurgitate. Or we can just firebomb their little corner. I'm ok with either.

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

That's the thing about it. If someone wants to be religious, fine. However, when they try to bend reality around their beliefs, that's where my issues start.

No logic, no reason behind why they won't believe in evolution or any other scientific thing, just "I don't believe! I won't!".

I suppose it's a bit much to expect most people to be both religious and logical though. Kind of opposites and all. :/

[voidmagus.livejournal.com]

Usually, it seems that they're not initiated in the secret wisdom of Logic. It seems impossible, as "if a, then b. Not b, therefore not a" has been evident to me for as long as I've been capable of spelling "a" and "b". Its why I went into computers as a chosen field. Unfortunately, during childhood when such rules are put in place, most of these poor kids wound up with a hellfire&brimstone minister shouting a gospel of blissful ignorance. Ignore that which makes you uncomfortable. Ignore that which contradicts what I say. Etc... Irresponsible and improper parenting, sad to say, causes much of it. Leaving the raising of your children to a minister (or hell, anyone other than the parents) is as bad as leaving them to be raised by television.

Can't quite agree with religion and logic being irreconcilable, though. One explains things we can quantify, the other endeavors to explain things we can't. At least as I see it, the division should function as such. Religion functions as Schrödinger's cat-- the cat is neither dead nor alive, it is a cloud of possibilities, at least until we open the box. Theists like to assume the cat is alive. Atheists like to assume the cat is dead. Agnostics refuse to make a choice until the box is opened.