I'm losing my memory of food...

[thistlechaser]

I noticed something really odd last night. Before surgery, I used to play a game while falling asleep: If you could pick any three foods in the world and have an unlimited amount of them to eat, what three foods would you pick? You didn't have to worry about getting tired of them, as the next night you could pick three new ones.



I couldn't think of three foods I wanted to eat. I couldn't think of even one I wanted an unlimited amount of! In fact, I had a hard time thinking of ANY food besides chicken, cheese, and strawberries (about the only things I've been eating since I started in on solid foods again). And that wasn't even fried chicken, it was boring, limp, grilled chicken strips. After much thought, I decided I would like a little baked potato. "A little", not an unlimited amount.

That made me realize that I couldn't even imagine eating a lot anymore. I mean that literally: I was unable to mentally picture eating more than a couple tiny bites of anything.

Even though this change is a good thing(???), I feel like I've been brainwashed against my will. How could I be unable to think of three things I'd like to eat? Especially since I was really hungry! I feel betrayed by... something. I knew the surgery would change my body, but I thought my brain would be safe. Even today, right now, posting, I can't think of a food I'd like to eat. It's 10:30 AM, I haven't had any breakfast and I'm hungry, yet I can't think of a single food item I'd like to have.




This is really scary. What other changes have happened to my brain that I don't know about?

Comments

[ani-mama.livejournal.com]

I suspect your appetite will come back slowly, once your stomach gets over the discomfort from the operation. I get that way too, when I have my stomach issues. There is nothing I want to eat. And the problems that I have are not half as traumatic as the operation you just had. Have patience with yourself!

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

It seems like so many of my issues come down to lack of patience. It's been so long already (a month as of today!), I expect things to be normal again.

It's strange that I couldn't even think of something. Even when I was sick, I could still think "pizza, yeah, I love that", but nothing at all comes to mind now...

[ani-mama.livejournal.com]

A month is not that long. If you had the same wound on your arm or leg and could see it, you probably would not expect everything to be perfectly back to normal just after a month.
Things will get better. And 30 pounds lost already!

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

Good points!

[voidmagus.livejournal.com]

There has been a lot of research into the stomach's effect on the brain. Most lasting, real weight-loss life changes (non-surgical) are essentially self-brainwashing. A month or so of a diet of mostly vegetables after a diet of mostly meat, and most people will find themselves craving vegetables instead of steak.

Your brain, appetite in particular, was never your own. Other organs were dictating cravings. Still are probably. There's been some recent studies that suggest there are various bacteria in your digestive system that sort of vote on what you should crave. Overpopulation of a certain type means they will hold a majority and contribute more to a craving.

Which gets into a rather scary topic, in that your thoughts are never fully rational. Not to be a dick, but girl-being-moody-because-hormones is a stereotype for a reason. There's hormones in everyone's system, varying levels change moods, change cravings, change thought. This is basically the mechanism by which most of psychiatry works. Chemicals in our bodies quite literally control our minds.

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

There's been some recent studies that suggest there are various bacteria in your digestive system that sort of vote on what you should crave.

That's both interesting and worrying!

I get what you're saying though. I guess this is just worrying because it's a new way of being out of control instead of one I'm more used to.

[voidmagus.livejournal.com]

Honestly, I understand. I will get hungry and not crave anything in particular. Very rare that a desire for a particular food item will pop up. Drives my wife nuts - any time she leaves town for business and I'm left on my own for food for a few days, I eat the same thing every night. Mostly my cravings pop up when I'm very ill or very medicated.

My wife on the other hand...well, her cravings used to be reasonable. We're nearing the end of her 1st trimester now and they're getting a bit out of hand. Not in that they're really weird, but very demanding and not very healty. I try to eat healthy (been losing weight for about a year now), and suddenly my wife craves pasta all the goddamn time.

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

I don't envy her! Normal cravings are enough to deal with, but cravings driven by pregnancy have to be really hard to resist (for good reason).

I used to have cravings all the time. I guess I'm not sorry to be rid of them, though they did feel like part of life to me.

[ami fuqui (from livejournal.com)]

hi pls i need a friend

[wow-hazmat.livejournal.com]

Whenever we diet (we use a WW style system), I will often get moments where I am hungry, I know I am hungry, I /definitely/ know I should eat, and yet nothing at all sounds appetizing. I usually ended up, at those times, making a protein shake because, again, I had to have /something/. And it does feel very detached and mechanical.

> open body
> insert food product

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's how I get a lot, especially since my diet is so limited right now. "Chicken, chicken, chicken, cheese, chicken, HEY I CAN HAVE PEANUT BUTTER, chicken, chicken..." I can't even say I'm missing other things, it's just nothing I can have sounds good anymore.

[ashmedai.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't worry about it too much! I tend to think when we need a certain food, our bodies will tell us, provided we haven't warped our tastebuds and organism with processed, sugary, fried and unhealthy foods. I used to eat quite a bit of fried foods and things like Doritos as a kid, then decided to get back to more healthy, natural food. After a while, any craving I had for the unhealthy stuff just went away (I became more repulsed by fried food than craving it in a surprisingly short amount of time). I think our bodies can be "re-programmed" that way, but it's just a theory based on anecdotal evidence.

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

I'm not repulsed by fried food, it just doesn't taste as good as it used to (or now I'm tasting it more like it is?). I think you're right though, I think our bodies and taste buds can be reprogrammed with time.

[mayanas.livejournal.com]

That has got to be a bit unnerving. I recognise that feeling very well myself but I'd be uneasy by something new and unexpected like that too.

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

Yep very unnerving. Not being able to eat it? Fine. Not wanting to eat it? Also okay. But not being able to imagine it? That's a whole different story...

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

I'm sure it is just your body adjusting. Once things reach a new balance point it should be better.
But, until the new balance is reached, I'm not surprised things are changing for you.

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

That makes sense. It's uncomfortable, everything being up in the air. I suspect it will be a whole before things feel normal and balanced again.

Thanks! :)

[postingwhore.livejournal.com]

Isn't it common knowledge, though, that the body and mind affect each other...? :Z (Stress, for example.)

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

That makes sense... I guess so. Stress does make you feel hungry.

[mark356.livejournal.com]

The brain is actually scarily easy to change. I can't imagine myself without glasses, and I have to really stretch to imagine myself wearing any color other than black.

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

When you add that to the fact that I think of my brain as "me"... Scary-easy indeed!

[teaandfailure.livejournal.com]

That would freak me out too, being brainwashed without knowing it was going to happen. I did it purposely last January - one of the points of that Whole 30 thing I did was to try and reset my comfort food buttons, so that when I was depressed, I wouldn't be like I WILL EAT A WHOLE BOX OF GIRL SCOUT COOKIES. Basically, I was TRYING to rewire my brain to NOT think food = fun and happiness and comfort. It was a weird experience and did some crazy shit to my hormones (or perhaps all the sugar was doing crazy shit to my hormones). I literally cried my way through the entirety of Frozen the first time I saw it.

There are probably all manner of weird things going on with your body chemistry right now, and all manner of weird things going on with your brain. But! I think previous comments are right in that things will "right" themselves with time. The only other person I know who did the surgery is basically back to "normal" now. She does the everything in (forced, because tiny stomach) moderation thing, and it seems to work well for her.

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

That's one of the big pains: I cry so easily now. I never used to cry! Arg!

I literally cried my way through the entirety of Frozen the first time I saw it.

That's horrible but cute. :)

I wish things would just hurry up and right themselves, and that I'd learn things quicker. I just discovered "slider food" -- something you can eat a ton of because it slides right from your tiny stomach into your intestines without stopping. Peanut butter. c.c Ugh! Why does something so good have to be dangerous because you can still eat a whole jar of it post-surgery! Cruel, cruel world.

[spike7451.livejournal.com]

That is weird, I can see how it would be unnerving.

Maybe your brain is still adjusting and the not being able to think of a food you really, really want will pass.

*hugs*

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

I hope it does pass. Even if I can't eat the food anymore, I'd like to be able to imagine it.

*hugs back*