The night is dark and full of boredom (RL, weight)

[thistlechaser]

Our electric went out tonight. It was after sundown, much of my town had no power. No one in my apartment complex had any power. You don't realize how dark "dark" is until you're inside, on a cloudy night, no lights, not one speck of light coming in the windows.

Apparently I need to shop for batteries. And flashlights.

I had one working flashlight, but thankfully my cellphone was fully charged. It made a much better flashlight.

Unfortunately my Kindle was nearly dead. I read for an hour, then got into bed for the next hour. (Unfortunately it was early evening, no chance of falling asleep.) Eventually I turned on NPR through my phone and listened to that, even though I didn't know how long the battery would need to last me. After about three long, boring hours total, we got power back.

--

I've been putting off posting about my weight for, well, months now. I was going to post on the anniversary of my surgery (September 15th), but that passed by and I didn't. I figured Thanksgiving would be a great day to post about it (the anniversary of the first time I ate with/in front of other people post-surgery), but then that day slipped by too.

It's very frustrating and slow, which I guess is why I don't like thinking about it much and thus don't really want to post about it. I haven't gone up (THANKFULLY), but I'm really not losing anymore either. I am, to the tenth of a pound, the same exact weight I was at one year post-surgery. That's zero weight loss in two months.

I'm starting to do hand weights at home, which should help. I keep trying to go back to walking, but my toe isn't fully healed yet. The most annoying part is that I'm not eating bad. I never, ever go to fast food (I've had small fast food items maybe four times in the last 14 months). I haven't eaten a single piece of candy, cookie, or other "real" sweet thing in all that time (not counting sugarfree fake sweet things). I have chips very very rarely, and even then only a few. I'm eating about 1,200 calories a day. Stupid body, you should be losing weight...

I thought I had 100 pounds more to go, but my doctor said 50 more is a better goal. I've lost 138 pounds from my highest point, 116 post-surgery. So 50 pounds is still a lot to lose, especially at the rate I'm going (which is zero).

So: frustrating. So frustrating that you can do everything right, eat so little, and still not lose. Nothing I can do but keep trying though...

I try to look on the positive side of things. I've lost a lot of weight, and I'm healthier for it. People say I look good (though I swear to god, I still see no difference -- stupid brain). Even if I don't lose anymore, I'm still at a much better place than I was a year ago.

But I want to be able to finish this. I'm eating right! I should be able to keep losing weight! Darned body.

Comments

[changeling72.livejournal.com]

So frustrating.

Do you ever look at photos of you at your heaviest and photos of you now to remind you how far you have come?

[teaandfailure.livejournal.com]

This. I know it sounds like crap coming from me, but I do understand the part about seeing no difference when you look in the mirror. When I look at myself in the mirror, I always see me at the highest weight I ever was. I ALWAYS see it.

That's why I always take the pictures. I literally have to, or I don't believe the scale, my friends and family, etc etc. Stupid brain ALWAYS sees the same thing.

BUT I also know that doesn't help now when you've hit a plateau. I do think the weights will help though, I'm told gaining muscle kickstarts the metabolism (hence all the P90X).

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

Doesn't sound like crap coming from you at all! The fight's the same, no matter if you have to lose a lot, lose a little, or gain -- or try to stay the same! :)

. I do think the weights will help though, I'm told gaining muscle kickstarts the metabolism (hence all the P90X).

My doctor said that as well, which is why I'm starting it. I was surprised at how little she said it takes -- twice a week with 3 pound hand weights should help, she said. Fingers crossed!

You're right about the pictures, they're the only thing that does help.

[gmth.livejournal.com]

This is a great point. Thistle, when I look at the before and after pics you posted a while back, I see a very great difference. I hope you can, too.

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

You're right. Pictures are the only time I can see it at all. My mother showed me a couple full body pictures of myself (UGH!) and when I look at them, I can see the difference. Just not when I randomly look in the mirror with nothing to compare...

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

Up until lately, I hadn't had any to compare to. When my mother came to visit, she brought me a few. You're right, when I compare to them, I sure can see a difference! It's just in the normal day-to-day mirror glancing that I can't.