Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tales

Our electric went out tonight. It was after sundown, much of my town had no power. No one in my apartment complex had any power. You don't realize how dark "dark" is until you're inside, on a cloudy night, no lights, not one speck of light coming in the windows.

Apparently I need to shop for batteries. And flashlights.

I had one working flashlight, but thankfully my cellphone was fully charged. It made a much better flashlight.

Unfortunately my Kindle was nearly dead. I read for an hour, then got into bed for the next hour. (Unfortunately it was early evening, no chance of falling asleep.) Eventually I turned on NPR through my phone and listened to that, even though I didn't know how long the battery would need to last me. After about three long, boring hours total, we got power back.

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I've been putting off posting about my weight for, well, months now. I was going to post on the anniversary of my surgery (September 15th), but that passed by and I didn't. I figured Thanksgiving would be a great day to post about it (the anniversary of the first time I ate with/in front of other people post-surgery), but then that day slipped by too.

It's very frustrating and slow, which I guess is why I don't like thinking about it much and thus don't really want to post about it. I haven't gone up (THANKFULLY), but I'm really not losing anymore either. I am, to the tenth of a pound, the same exact weight I was at one year post-surgery. That's zero weight loss in two months.

I'm starting to do hand weights at home, which should help. I keep trying to go back to walking, but my toe isn't fully healed yet. The most annoying part is that I'm not eating bad. I never, ever go to fast food (I've had small fast food items maybe four times in the last 14 months). I haven't eaten a single piece of candy, cookie, or other "real" sweet thing in all that time (not counting sugarfree fake sweet things). I have chips very very rarely, and even then only a few. I'm eating about 1,200 calories a day. Stupid body, you should be losing weight...

I thought I had 100 pounds more to go, but my doctor said 50 more is a better goal. I've lost 138 pounds from my highest point, 116 post-surgery. So 50 pounds is still a lot to lose, especially at the rate I'm going (which is zero).

So: frustrating. So frustrating that you can do everything right, eat so little, and still not lose. Nothing I can do but keep trying though...

I try to look on the positive side of things. I've lost a lot of weight, and I'm healthier for it. People say I look good (though I swear to god, I still see no difference -- stupid brain). Even if I don't lose anymore, I'm still at a much better place than I was a year ago.

But I want to be able to finish this. I'm eating right! I should be able to keep losing weight! Darned body.

Oh the joys of ingrown toenails. After having my toenail removed five or six times, my podiatrist decided we should remove it permanently. Unfortunately that's a bigger deal than just removing it -- actual surgery (outpatient). They have to cut into the bone itself to kill the nail bed so it won't grow back. Stitches after, all that. Fun.

For three days, I have to keep the same bandage on. That's a challenge, as in the first hour I bled through it. Luckily I had planned to work from home yesterday, so I was able to keep it elevated the whole day, which helps a lot with the pain. It does make showering a challenge though. This morning I stuck my foot in a plastic bag, rubber banded it around my ankle, and kept my foot on the edge of the tub. Not the best solution, especially since I had to wash my hair facing the shower head, but better than no shower or washing in the sink.

With all the bleeding, I'm worried about taking the bandage off on Thursday, but she used nonstick bandages so hopefully it won't be too painful. A week after (on Monday) I have to go see her again, I assume to have the stitches removed.

Hopefully, once this heals up, it will be the end of this toe issue. I try not to think about having nine other toes that could act up in just the same way...

Yesterday was also my first day back to work after my vacation. Worst First Day Back Ever. :P

I really need to make a post about my weight loss surgery. I missed posting about it on the one year anniversary (approaching 13 months now), I just never feel like writing about it.

My visit with my mother went well, though I wish I could see her more than once a year. We did some shopping, played a ton of board and card games, and generally just hung out together.

Since money is tighter this year, I used Uber to get her to and from the airport. (If it had been me, I'd rather use the group van service cities have -- it's a lot cheaper, and since it's "official" it would make me feel more secure, but she hates the airport vans.) Turns out Uber is a great service, though not as cheap as I'd like (about half the price of a car service, and less than a taxi).

While it's great visiting her, it's surprisingly hard to go a whole week without reading. I was able to get some online time while she slept and while we watched a movie or TV, but other than that my online time was limited. (I did keep up with my LJ friends list though!)

I wish I could see her more often. She is unfortunately getting older (as mothers tend to do), and I know our time is growing shorter. We're on opposite sides of the country though, so it's a whole day's flight one way. I know it's both very selfish and stupid, but sometimes I hope I'll die first, so I won't have to get through the pain and loss of losing her. I have almost no family other than her, and we're very close (talk daily on the phone, text multiple times a day). My sister is my only other family, but unfortunately we're not close -- I'd like to do something about that, but it's hard, especially since we also live on opposite coasts and we're just about as different as two people can be.

I have to get my toe nail permanently removed Monday morning, then back to work Monday afternoon. Boo.

Since I used Uber, I'm now on their mailing list, so they send me things like this: Uber will deliver kittens to your office! $30 for a 15 minute visit from a group of kittens. Some of the fee goes to local shelters, though I don't know how much. What a fun idea!

While I haven't posted about it here, my money situation is getting tighter and tighter. I live in one of the most expensive places in the country (more so than even places like New York City). My rent is significantly over 50% of my pay... and my rent keeps going up while my salary does not. Add on the endless medical crap that I seem to always be going through, and I'm losing $300-$1,000 in savings per month, every month. That's a serious problem.

Fun fact: My sister's rent for a four bedroom home is less than a quarter of my rent for a one bedroom apartment.

I had posted about turning off my TV service a couple months ago, but then I chickened out. Part of it was that I had months of Tivo service left, but most of it was that I just didn't want to let it go. However, Tivo is up for renewal mid-November, so this seems the time to do it. I discontinued that this morning.

My mother is coming for a visit. And while I love her, this is going to be a hard visit. She does not understand/believe that I'm having trouble with money. She thinks I "deserve" to live well and buy what I want -- I understand why she says it, but that logic drives me crazy. How much money you have, your spending ability, is not based on what you "deserve". She loves shopping (I hate it) -- for her it's just a fun activity to do. She has a very very rich long-term boyfriend who gives her money for whatever she wants, so I think that skews her view of things. Once she leaves, I'll be turning my TV service off. (Edit: Not to hide that I'm doing it, I already told her I am, but she likes watching TV so I want to have it while she's here.)

This shouldn't be a hard thing to adjust to (I hope). The rare times I turn my TV on, it's to watch something I Tivo'ed -- so I could just as easily download it or watch it online.

I just need to make a list of shows I want to catch (which will be surprisingly short, I think it's about three shows right now -- Great British Baking Challenge, Face Off, Ink Masters (four I guess, and whatever that post-Ink Masters show is called). Most of the rest of what I watch is on Netflix or downloaded.

Eventually, hopefully this December, I might get a promotion/raise at work (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE). If it's not this December, it will be next December, and I don't know if I can hold out that long. I mean technically I can, but it will be rough, and the idea of living paycheck to paycheck would keep me up at night.

We had two guides on my zip lining trip, and they were both good, friendly people. They knew their jobs, did it well, and tried their best to make people have fun -- even scaredy cats like me. My subconscious mind seems not to agree with that though!

Last night I had a nightmare that the two of them trapped me, broke my leg in two places and my hip as well, then drugged me enough to keep me quiet (but awake) and started draining out all the blood from my body.

First off: Thanks brain. Nothing like waking up at 3 AM after experiencing that. It was so sharp and detailed, I felt sick.
Second: I feel almost like I have to apologize to the guides for my brain using them in that way! Conscious me does not think a single bad thing about them, they were great. I guess my subconscious brain has them paired with the fear of being up high though...

A secret on Fandom Secrets amused me today:



I feel like I can use that myself. Crappy day at work? "Well at least I've never had the plague!" Didn't lose weight? "Well at least I've never had the plague!" Just the idea of comparing it that way makes me feel better.

I forgot to mention in my post last night that I'm rewatching Deep Space Nine. It's so daunting how many episodes there are (seven seasons, each with 26+ hour long episodes), but they're almost all darned good eps, so I'm enjoying it. I just started the fourth season, so the storyline is really picking up.

Know what else picked up about the show then? The themesong. They play it at double the speed from season four on, which is driving me nuts. I loved the slow version so much, I had forgotten that it ever changed. I listened to it every ep in seasons 1-3, but I'm starting to consider skipping it now.

I haven't watched the series since it originally aired (back in 1993), so I'm surprised that all my favorite characters are still the same. Garak is still the best character ever ever ever. I've mellowed out on the character I hated -- I still don't like Kira, but I understand her more now. A lot of the relationships in the show are so painful to see. Miles/Keiko for example. I don't know why they made her such an awful person, but it's over the top and annoys me instead of making me feel bad for O'Brien.

I had the very bad timing of watching the series' best, most sad episode ever last night. The Visitor, which is apparently almost always #1 or #2 on any "best episode of any SF show ever" list. I was already seriously emotional, and I think that story would have made me cry anyway, but it just hit me so hard last night. So good, but so sad.

I'm kind of missing "real" (broadcast) TV. Whenever I do one of these rewatches, I stop watching TV and watch nothing but the series. If I stop watching the series, then it quickly falls off my radar and I never get back to it. Clone Wars, Reign, Teen Wolf, The 100, and so many others: I'm looking at you.

I was all ready to write a post like I did last Friday. "Gained weight yet again!" "ANOTHER unexpected $1500 medical bill!". Both turned out to be, while not good, less bad than they seemed.

My weight is doing poorly. Three weeks ago, I gained a pound. Next week I stayed the same. Last week I gained a pound again. Spot checking on Wednesday, I was up THREE MORE POUNDS! Arg! When I was even more careful this week than I had been the rest of the month! All this with NO cheating and no change in food! This morning's official weigh-in had me "down" .2 pounds (two tenths of a pound) from last week. While staying basically the same is NOT good, especially not after gaining two pounds in three weeks, it's a hell of a lot better than gaining three pounds, so I'll call that a small win.

Last week I got a bill for $1,500 for my ER visit. On top of $1,800 for my new computer (which had seemed a comfortable purchase at the time), and losing $1,000 tax return in exchange for owing $1,000, it was painful. This week I got a $1,600 medical bill for a variety of checkups and issues with my ingrown toe nail -- again totally unexpected (I kinda forgot that the deductible reset for the year), and even more painful than last week's unexpected bills. After a number of phone calls, I found out that I "only" owed $650. Happy about an unexpected $650 bill? No, but it's a hell of a lot better than owing another $1,600.

Small wins.

Edit: Odd. I tried LJ's new "show related posts" feature, but nothing shows.

Would you like to give a Caesarean section to a Disney princess? There's an app for that!



Princess Anna, from Frozen, is the main character in a game that lets you remove her baby by C-section.

While work safe, the whole idea behind that game is kind of disturbing. You can see step-by-step pictures of it all at the above link.

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3-6 months after major surgery (or childbirth, ha), you can lose anywhere from some to all of your hair. As yesterday was the four month point for me, I was hoping I was going to make it through without losing any. Then suddenly I started shedding all over the place. Boo! I hope it just thins, that I don't get noticeable bald spots. Worse comes to worse, I guess I'll just shave my head. :/ Hopefully I won't get to that point though.

Four months is the point where I can try eating raw vegetables and beef. I had some lettuce today, and it was surprisingly good. I don't think I've ever actually enjoyed lettuce before!

I haven't tried beef yet. Oddly I don't miss it at all. I'll probably try it sooner rather than later though.

Going out to work group lunches is something of a pain now. I paid $25 today for a couple bites of food. My meal was only $10 (cheapest on the menu), but most meals were $20 and everyone wanted to get an appetizer platter as well... which cost twice as much as my meal. Then when the bill came, we split it four ways. (At least in my work group, we always just split the check that way... which is fine for them, but I make a small fraction of what they all make, so if I order less I'd like to pay less.) So I had about a teaspoon of hummus from the $20 appetizer platter. Everyone else seemed to enjoy it, but I neither needed it nor wanted it. I got three meals out of my lunch so far, and enough meat left for another meal tomorrow, so at least that's something. It's just paying $25 for it is crazy...

Happy New Year, everyone!

I spent this New Year's Eve as I often do: Asleep. I haven't had a desire to be awake at midnight in a long, long time. (I'm an early bird.)

2014 was a pretty darned sucky year. I spent the first couple weeks of it in the hospital with a bad infection, and was out of work/sick for about six weeks total. Health stuff just kept happening, not to mention every event required many, many follow-up appointments. Then surgery in September (which required so many months of medical jumping though hoops beforehand), I feel like the whole year was about being sick, hurt, and seeing doctors.

I have much higher hopes for 2015. Though that it's the first day of it and I'm fighting off some kind of cold isn't a good start, heh.

And in non-health news: Though age-wise I'm an adult, I so often don't feel it, especially when I have to do adult-ish things. I bought this print from a game I play, and I wanted to get it framed. Usually I just stick things up with tacks, but that's so college student, and the print was pretty expensive (especially with $15 shipping charge...) so I decided to shop for a frame. Apparently getting it framed can cost a couple hundred, so I was hoping to find a pre-made frame I could use. I went to a big fancy framing store, and luckily they had a bunch to choose from. I pretty much got one that was an exact match for what I wanted.

Then came the hard part: Getting the frame apart, and then back together again. Then the harder part: Hanging it! I knocked around on the wall until I found a stud, and had to move furniture and balance on a stepstool to get it high enough. The darned thing is pretty heavy, so I'm still a little worried about it, but it's stayed up for 24 hours, so that's probably a good sign.

I didn't notice it at first, but now part of that print is bugging me: The layers are wrong or something. His top arm should be behind the staff (topmost layer), so he's holding it. I checked the video for the shot this is based on, and yeah, it's a mistake on the artist's part. Blah. Now I can't stop seeing it. :/

I don't like writing about diet/weight nonstop, but it seems the only news I have to share lately. However, I'll make it brief. I lost three pounds this week (WOO). Yesterday my schedule got messed up (had to stay late for work meeting), so I ate a "bad" lunch (not just a deli sandwich with bread, but a large one instead of small -- I bought it telling myself I'd save half for later, knowing full well that was a complete and total lie). Felt like crap the rest of the day from eating too much.

In sleep news, stayed up too late RPing last night, but oh was it good and totally worth it. :D I suspect my RP is going to take a turn into the dark and depressing, which is A-OK with me. Skipped using the CPAP machine because it was so late, and slept wonderfully -- best sleep I've gotten in weeks. Even short on hours, I feel a lot more rested today than usual.

Still no word on the insurance covering my surgery or not. They said it could take up to 15 business days to decide (starting this week), so that puts us awfully close to the surgery date itself... Worry worry.

I did that 40 minute phone call with the nurse. Was boring and pointless, but mostly painless. Mostly stupid covering-their-asses questions like "Have you ever been so sad you didn't want to get out of bed?". First off, no. Second off, if I did feel that way, I sure as heck wouldn't tell you as that would likely red flag me on surgery.

Off to work! Have a good almost-Friday everyone!