Like Yelp for prostitutes

[thistlechaser]

A few days back hamburger posted a link to a site that lets guys leave reviews on female prostitutes. (Do I even need to give a NWS warning on that?) I've been unable to stop reading it. It's so very, very odd. Not sexy by a long shot, pretty much the opposite of sexy. I'm certain there's a heaping helping of dishonesty in the reviews too (otherwise England has nothing but the most beautiful, wonderful, sexy women as prostitutes, most of them not only getting off on what they do, but eager to love each and every one of her customers.)

I have zero issues with prostitution (it's your body, do with it as you will), so that's not why this site strikes me as so odd. I think it's because there's so much of what the site calls "GFE" -- a girlfriend experience. So many of the reviews make it sound like the girl actually likes the guy, wants to kiss him, loves blowing him, and enjoys the sex as much as he does. These guys really seem to believe it. It's the woman's job to make the guy think that (and maybe a few really do like it), but it ... bothers(?) me that the guys fall for it and buy it.

Yeah, yeah, you could say "men are stupid", "men think with their dicks", any of those type things, but this just seems so obvious: The women are doing a job, they're doing it for the money. If they really are ultra hot sexy women, would they love Joe Blow walking in off the street, Joe who sees prostitutes on a regular basis?

Maybe I'm totally wrong. Maybe I'm being too judgmental. This is just so strange. I guess I'm uncomfortable for the men? It's strange that I can't even put my finger on why this bothers me ('bothers' isn't even the right word). It's interesting though, a look at a life I know little about. I wish I could get a 100% honest version of the site.

Comments

[avocado-love.livejournal.com]

This site... there is something addictive about it. Wow. I don't know which is funnier; the extremely detailed good reviews (which read like an article in playboy/playgirl) or the hilarious negative reviews.

[peppygrowlithe.livejournal.com]

Women can do with their bodies what they want, and men can do with their minds and imaginations what they want. The bottom line is, however deluded he may be, the man got what he wanted, the woman got what she wanted, and nobody got hurt.

It's similar to when you run into people who ideologically or politically disagree with you (you wrote, years ago, about feeling frustrated by people sitting in their cars, nodding in agreement to conservative talk show hosts. That stuck with me) - they're wrong! Why can't you just shake them and make them see that they're wrong! Wake up and stop lying to yourself! But in this case, their actions won't affect you as it would through, say, voting (you could make the argument it leads to female oppression, but I don't think you believe that), and some of the 'deluded' men are probably quite nice and intelligent fellows. Half of them probably don't believe it to be true, but I don't need to see a prostitute to get that it just plain feels better when you think she's actually into you. And isn't that what the act is all about?

[socksofjello.livejournal.com]

I think some of this may come down to the type of person who receives sex from prostitutes in the first place. Most people I know, even if they like the idea, don't believe hiring someone to screw around with is a particularly healthy behavior; it likely indicates social, mental, or familial problems of some sort and reeks of desperation. This might explain the general oddity found on the site.

And regarding the 'oppression' thing above, it's not so much that prostitution leads to female oppression as it the [i]circumstances[/i] that lead to it are often oppressive. Many, many of the women who go into the business have few to no other options (often due to lack of education, classism, racism, cissexism, etc) and are making the most of what little they might have. If someone really does want to sell their body for sex and enjoys it as a means of work, good on them, but this is often not the case. :(

(Trying not to make any definitive statements here. I understand there are exceptions to both of my points. I don't feel that the exceptions are the norm, but perhaps someone with personal experience inside the sex trade knows otherwise.)

[veloxe.livejournal.com]

"men are stupid", "men think with their dicks"

My dick resents the implication that it is stupid.

[achika-soladia.livejournal.com]

A prostitute is an actor. Do you expect to watch House and then meat Hugh Laurie in RL and expect him to be like his character?

To the best of my knowledge (completely from stereotypes), a prostitute plays a role that their client wants. The men typically go to them because what they want in a role isn't obtained in their normal lives.

And you're right, guys are idiots if they believe that the woman will truly love them. But it's that feeling that gets them back. If Hugh Laurie came on House next week and he was acting like he'd been hanging out with the Care Bears for absolutely no reason, and then suddenly started playing Cuddy's part combined with a retard, would you be satisfied? Granted that sounds like a goddamn hilarious episode, but that character is not who you watched the show for. You watched House for a sarcastic, wise-cracking, anti-social, genius doctor.

I'm sure somewhere out there, there's a prostitute acting that part.

[sailor-arashi.livejournal.com]

I would think it's less that they really believe it, and more that the fantasy of it is important to the experience. Or something like that. I at least try to be hopeful that the average guy on the street isn't quite THAT deluded.

This being said, I am totally reading that site just as soon as I am no longer at work :D

[fealubryne.livejournal.com]

Alex and I actually had a discussion about this the other day. I'd commented on the exact same thing (the whole "GFE" bit) and sort of laughed about how pathetic it makes men come across. Of course, this was mildly insulting to the male gender in general, so we talked about it and came to pretty much the same conclusion:

Men are perfectly capable of "logical thought" in these situations and they know exactly what they're doing. Thing is, they're just shutting off that part of their brain to experience what they feel like experiencing at the moment. It would be like role-playing, or role-play in the bedroom -- you know it's not real, but you go along with it because, hey, it gets you off.

In a way, women do the same thing. We just go about it differently. Look at Twilight, for example. Men are very visual, while women are very mental. Guys look at porn, while women tend to read it. Men might want to act out and see their little "romance" or their fantasies, while women are perfectly satisfied in most situations to just work it up in their head. In the end we're all aware it's not real, but we let ourselves enjoy it while we can. And the better the girl is at acting her part, giving them that "GFE" that they crave, the better.

...Of course, I'm sure there's probably the poor saps who might have done this so long and actually manage to fool themselves into believing it's real. But I'd say that's on them. They're paying for an experience, kind of like how we pay for an experience when we go to a movie or a theme park or get a massage. If they're paying for it, they may as well enjoy it, I guess. *shrug!*

[ani-mama.livejournal.com]

Those guys must be very socially awkward, if they really feel that the paid women love them...

Have you read http://myveryworstdate.com/ ? I think some of the guys who show up on the posts there must be writing reviews on the prostitute site!

[quasilemur.livejournal.com]

They don't actually believe the woman loves them or is totally into them. The guys that believe that sort of thing are typically the sort of creepers that will quickly find themselves unable to get a date with any escort in town, as there tends to be a network of recommendation and word of mouth among escorts as to what clients are good, and which are potentially dangerous.

It's a fantasy and a release. Many of these women are extremely adept at reading people, and are able to say and act in ways that their clients want them to without being instructed. "It's like they really get me," the guy feels, even if his rational mind knows it's not real. The stress of his shit job and his shit relationship melt away for a few precious hours, while he's with this companion that he can be himself around for just a little while, not worrying about saying the wrong thing or impressing anyone.

By and large, these men aren't any more or less pathetic than any other. Maybe they're working all the time and can't maintain a relationship. Maybe they're in a strange city and don't know anyone. Maybe they just prefer it this way. The only thing you can say with a surety is that they probably have a bit of disposable income.

[quistie.livejournal.com]

I am not sure why this is bothering you. Yes, of course the GFE is just an illusion, but people spend a lot of time and money maintaining illusions everywhere. Illusions are important! You know the kid behind that fastfood counter probably doesn't care about the food since he's only making minimum wage, and he *really* doesn't give a damn how you are doing, but he asks anyway to be polite because he's trying to maintain the illusion. And it is just an illusion because the food is not going to taste any better. And we all do that. We are not 100% honest at play or at work, maybe because we just can't cope with true honesty.

And...who knows, just because the prostitutes are doing it for the money doesn't mean that they can't also take pride in making their customers happy. Maybe it's unlikely, but I suspect some of them do feel that way.