Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tales

1) Can I tell you how excited I am about the new Jurassic Park movie? It's been years since I last stepped foot in a movie theater, but I might have to go back for this. It's going to be such a hard challenge though, if I do. Popcorn is my #1 favorite food in the world, but it's also a food I can never eat again. I can resist it in day-to-day situations, but going to a popcorn-scented movie theater? Don't know if I can... but still, Jurassic Park movies MUST be seen on the big screen. :/

Anyway, they hired on a new star, and made a promo for the park featuring his character:



2) This song came up in RP today, and I died when I googled and found it was a real song. ("Real" song? A song that was sung by a character in a TV show.) NWS lyrics.
( NWS video behind cut! )

3) This tree is quite amazing! Linked for size. It's like some kind of modern artwork thing. I see a dancer with more trees growing out of her.

4) #3 lead me to the most amusing discovery. I visit reddit a lot (a social/information/interesting links kind of place). Different groups or subjects have subreddits. Apparently 'tree' is slang for pot, so the /trees subreddit is actually about smoking pot. Since that was taken, someone made /r/marijuanaenthusiasts for people who like trees! Ha!

5) Seraphina (by Rachel Hartman) is the BEST BOOK EVER. I have about 8% left to go, then can review it. And I'm SO HAPPY SO SO HAPPY I was offered the next book for review! I have it waiting for me right now! It's not for sale yet, which usually doesn't matter to me, but this time it works out so eeee! It's put out by a major publishing house (Random), so hopefully this will get me lots of good offers in the future.

6) I had previously accepted a different book for review, and usually read them in the order accepted, but I'm making an exception in this case. I suspect this other one (Chaos Station by Kelly Jensen and Jenn Burke) is actually Captain America fanfic with the serial numbers filed off. (It's about a "retired, broken super soldier" and his lover (officer in the military) who everyone had thought was dead...). I accepted it for review more to see if it was fanfic-ish than anything else, so Shadow Scale (Seraphina #2) comes first.

It's a tag! It's a title! It's Thursday!

1) I had a very hard time not laughing out loud at work over this video. Mulan's I'll Make a Man Out of You, translated repeatedly through an online translator, sang by an entertaining fellow. With special guest star: President Obama!



2) I've been trying very hard to make time to watch Reign (I'm so far behind, still in season one!), and I was able to watch three episodes this week. Last night's was the most amusing one ever!

While the episode is a year old, I'll cut it anyway, just to be safe.


Bwahahaha he fucked her out a window! This was the best episode ever! Not just that with a thrust of his kingly hips did she get pushed out a window, but then the king and queen trying to deal with the body!

"Why's it so hard to get the blood out of this rug?! How do the servants do it?"
"They...dip it in something."


I love this show so much. It's sort of like those Xena/Hercules shows from the... 80s? 90s? but with a whole ton of endlessly sexy people, beautiful costumes, and interesting settings. Camp and sex and endlessly amusing storylines. Plus King Henry in his skintight leather pants is the hottest thing ever.

Remember years and years ago when I used to post odd, disturbing stuff? It's time for a flashback to those simpler days.

Based on my subject line, you're probably asking WTF is wrong with you, Thistle?! how does someone "accidentally" do that? Well today's your unlucky day! Just click the cut to find out!

( Not work safe (duh). Not mind safe. Not My Little Pony safe. )

If you desire more information about this story (and who wouldn't?), you can find it here. Warning: There's some kind of automatic song that plays (I assume it's a MLP song.) Warning 2: There are more pictures there. It is, of course, NWS.

Turns out that bad books are good business. What else would explain how many wacky series are out there? Not even just wacky books, whole series!

Today's series is "A ___ forced me gay!", by Hunter Fox. A selection of titles from this series:
Forced Gay by Aliens
Tentacles Made Me Gay
Forced Gay by the School Mascot
Yetti Forced Me Gay
Sphinx Turned Me Gay
Turned Gay by an Orc
T-Rex Forced Me Gay
Brachiosaurus Made Me Gay
Cyclops Forced Me Gay
Sea Monsters Made Me Gay
Legendary Beasts Made Me Gay
RoboHound Forced Me Gay
Turned Gay by a Spinosaurus

My favorite is: Alien Hound Forced Me Gay (Is he... I... um...)


He also wrote a series of "Forced by..." books (T-Rex Forced Me, ) and other random titles (Big Foot's Side Piece, Gay Cyclops GangBang, Ravaged By The Saber Tooth Tiger).

I put some of the best/worst covers behind the cut.

( NWS images )

The A Billionaire Dinosaur Forced Me Gay Amazon page has some darned funny reviews.

While I just cannot pay $3 for ~15 pages of "story" (which gets down to ten or less when you take into account preface pages, advertisements at the end for other books in the series, etc), I'm really, really curious about how bad these are. They sound so amusingly bad!

Previous wacky books series:
Supernatural
Dinosaurs
Were-animals
Kaiju
Santa Claus Conquers the Homophobes

Credit for this find goes to socksofjello!

I changed my default icon by mistake, but know what? It's fitting for October, so I'm leaving it.

And to continue that trend, I have two scary links for you.

Talk about Ebola is a lot scarier when you add the The Walking Dead theme music behind it.



(To be clear, I'm not scared of Ebola in general. Despite all the coverage it's getting in the news, it's very, very, very hard to be infected by it. Don't handle body fluids, don't handle corpses, and you'll be fine.)

For Story #2, I have to question if it could be true. I hope it's not. Roots grow out of vagina after woman uses potato as contraceptive.

"Sex education is a taboo subject in the conservative Columbian community..." See, parents? Stop being against sex education.

Japanese people get the best commercials. Remember the commercial with the giant cat carrying the business man to work? Now Japanese people get a Pizza Hut run by cats! (Sort of, a what-if.)

What if cats ran Pizza Hunt.

The best of the four, in my opinion:



( Click here for the other three! )

Pizza cat-o!

Edit: Oh, there are more than four! Check them all out here.

A kaiju is a Japanese monster. One was in Godzilla, they were the bad guys in Pacific Rim, etc.

Who knew they'd be the stars of erotic books, too? Welcome to #4 in a series of wacky erotic books: Japanese monsters.

Supernatural
Dinosaurs
Were-animals



Four more of them behind the cut. Mildly NWS (they're covers of books on Amazon, so can't be that bad NWS).

( Click away! )

From Kaiju Seduction, which is the first of a multibook series:

Ro Talon is a Kaiju pilot. Along with her 250 foot tall kaiju, Zulla, they must work together to bring down rogue kaiju. Their abilities go beyond normal combat for they are trained to fight with a different set of weapons. They fight with the skills of seduction for no kaiju can resist their temptation.

That author also wrote a book titled Moo Girls, in which a girl named Mu loves a cow and wants to become one.

Man, what a dark path these books are. There's a whole woman-cow thing on Amazon. His Human Cow: A Human Dairy Cow Story, for example. You can pay $3 on Amazon or download countless stories for free in various places online.

I don't know whether to hate these "authors" for selling short, horribly written stories for $3 when you can find plenty online for free, or admire them for making money off stupid people.

1) This video is making its rounds both through my group at work and my LJ friends list. I think it's the first time that sort of overlap has happened! (We're tech writers, so it makes sense that my work group liked it.)



It's really catchy, and I love that LJ is used as the example of blog sites!

2) Today I finally get my hands on my copy of the FFXIV catalog! Straight from Japan, it'll be on my doorstep today, just two days after its release in Japan. It's in Japanese unfortunately, but it's packed full of pictures of every item in the game, so that'll be interesting to see.

I still have (and love) my Japanese books about FFXI, so I have high hopes for this one as well.

3) The book I'm currently reading, Quarantine, is better than I expected it to be. I thought I'd be knocking another bad self-published book out of my To Read pile, like I had with Ruin. Turns out it's neither self-published nor bad. In the first chapter or two, I thought Quarantine would be another fantastic read, but it's gone a little downhill. Still good, but not OH MY GOD good.

I think I might read that were-warthog romance one next...

Oh you wacky authors. First we had WEREBEE and other were-animal erotic novels, then we had the dinosaur/human woman sex stories, now we get... drum roll ... the "Banged by Famous Monsters" series! Allow me to introduce:

My Lactation Consultant is a Lesbian Werewolf


( Four more back here. )

I like how the author, "Bytch Williams", is supposedly "acclaimed".

The one tiny positive thing about these "books" (20-30 page stories) is that at least most of them cost 99 cents. How much it pisses me off when stories this short are $3. Not that anyone should buy these...

I need more time to read. I need to just quit my job so I can do nothing but read and review horrible great books. This series is called Dinosaur Beast Erotica. Women having sex with dinosaurs, I guess.



Those are only four of many, many of them. Complete list here. Don't miss the little arrow at the bottom of the page. This woman has written 21 pages of books about this stuff.

I was going to check out Educating the Platypus next, but now I want to read one of these dinosaur ones.

Edit: I decided on Taken by the Pterodactyl because it had the funniest reviews, but it's like that WEREBEE one -- $3 for a 17 page "book". That's just so wrong, especially since that's going to be 17 pages of awful writing and bad sex. I'm curious though, and it could be funny...